Dating Iranican Style

June 4, 2008

Iranican صدای

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You’re probably single, if not most of your friends are! This is where we’re going to continue our never ending discussion about Dating Iranian Americans/Canadians/Diasporans. Feel free to add any issue you think we may have missed.

Just to give brief threads on what we discussed, we had the following:

-So many singles in the US and Iran and Iranian Americans are no exception.

-Iranian Parents Differentiation between how much freedom their sons have vs. daughters

-Should we have Standard Rules of Dating?

-Online Dating Sites

What we didn’t get to cover:

-Is there anything wrong with dating your friend’s Ex?

-What is the consensus among Iranicans about “TORSHIDEH” girls not getting married?

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90 Responses to “Dating Iranican Style”

  1. Sadaf Says:

    I have just gotten into this show about two months ago and have really come to enjoy it and look forward to it every other week. I think every single topic that is discussed is something that is constantly on the minds of myself and my other Iranian friends. We are constantly having these discussions amongst ourselves but its nice to finally have them voiced on radio.
    I particularly really enjoyed this show because it was a nice issue to talk about and it was very true!
    I’m going to transition to a little bit of Farsi if that’s okay.
    I was born in America and have lived in the bay area since I’ve been born. I’m half Iranian and half Afghan, but according to everyone and even in the eyes of myself I seem to be a lot more Iranian ( not that I have shame to being Afghan at all, I love it more than I can explain, but just saying.) I’m eighteen years old going to be nineteen in just a few short months and I am a sophomore at UC Davis. I have visited Iran countless times and its very often my highlight of the year. Anyways, with that being said just wanted to give a little bit of background, I genuinely wanted to comment on this show.
    I, myself, am very susceptible to the double standards that Iranian parents place upon their daughters. I have a younger brother, who is a whole five years younger than me yet he is already recieving much more leniency than I ever recieved at his age. My parents already know that he has had about two girlfriends and they are not at all okay with me even ” thinking” about having a boyfriend. It always really bugs me. I have never disobeyed them let alone done anything that according to them would ” put their pride down or make them look bad in the Iranian community” and yet they refuse to even give me a little bit of trust. The sad truth is, that the more restrictions placed upon me the more I go against them and finally college gave me some freedom to act on my own wishes. The only thing is, they do not realize that they have given me enough guidelines my whole life that even at college I know what is right and wrong for myself and I know how to act to keep up their pride. I do care about my parents a lot, but these confinements are too ridiculous.
    I also have seen on my many recent visits to Iran that the populatino there generally seems to have many more couples than the Iranian community here. I attribute this to the fact that everyone is of one race there. Its much easier to find your respective other when there are 14 million ( in the case of Tehran only) other people in the same city as you that are just like you. That is of course not counting those who are married and the children and elderely but nonetheless its easier to find someone when there are a lot more people your race. It goes back to I think race and culture playing a key role in how someone picks their respective other. I mean there are plenty of Latin American, African American, Chinese American people here who could serve as singles for the Iranian American community but even those communities like to stay in their own community. Its easier when someone of the same language, culture, and most often religion is surrounding you because it gives much more common ground to relate on.
    I, myself, am very cultural. I was just raised around a lot of family and involved in a lot of cultural things growing up like attending Farsi school, doing persian dance and all that stuff that for me dating someone who is not Iranian just would not work. Its not that I have anything against other races its just that I would not relate to them on the same levels and I would like someone to speak Farsi with and be able to share Iranian poetry with. With that being said, I find it very hard to find eligilble Iranian men around my age because they are too often very stuck up it seems. The guys, however, say that the the Iranian girls are too high-maintenance and expect too much. I could say that’s true for some of the girls but it doesn’t necessarily apply to all of them. I know the typical response to this would be that ” it doesn’t apply to all of the guys either,” but I have enough Iranian guy friends and know plenty of Iranian guys who prove that Iranian guys have too much ego. I always just wonder WHERE they get it from!? My friends always joke that its because their mother’s baby them for too long, which could be true, but its hard to meet any Irani guy when they never make the first move. Iranian guys almost always ( unless you are a slut looking like you are good for a one night stand) wait for the girl to make the move. Well obviously, girls have to have some ” sharm” and they are not going to necessarily be the one to make the first move, but I often have made that first move and its only come back to make it worse. The guys generally do not seem to like it when I make the first move and instead they get turned off and once again settle for the ” hot chick.” Its acutally really frustrating coming from the perspective of a young eligible single Iranian girl. Most often when I complain to my aunts and other friends they just say that I’m really ” innocent” and that the guys my age are just having their run with girls now so its better that I stay away, but that when they are done with their run and want to get married they will come to girls like me. That really pisses me off, because its pretty true, but also because I find it so hard to believe that every guy is like that and that none of the Iranian guys want to actually settle and have a normal relationship with a girl. Its also because generally I have found this behavior with Iranian guys not guys in general. American guys or Mexican guys, for example, actually do settle into relationships and stay with them but Iranian guys do not!
    Anyways, my point is that a lot of double standards are present in the Iranian culture and that as long as these remain guys will treat girls the same way. It just seems hard to find a guy that is decent and wants a genuine relationship.

    Thank you!

    Reply

  2. Asal Says:

    =S how odd!!
    i live in sweden, and swedish guys are sweet, but iranians here are soo sweet aswell. the majority of my friends have long lasting or have had, relationships with iranians. and here the latinos are much more players… soo strange that its so diffrent =S

    Reply

  3. Claudia Elizabeth Gonzalez Says:

    Hello! Im a mexican girl and i met this iranian guy while i was studying in Canada. Im so in love, like never before, hes the best guy ive met before. He is so nice with me, intelligent, we have so much fun together. I had to come back to MExico and we are still boyfriend and girlfriend even though we are far. I just got here to Mexico 2 weeks ago, and he is applying for a work permit for me so i can go back to Canada. Im willing to go, but im wondering about many things. Ive read alot about his religion, and many people are telling me i shouldnt go back, that i must stop this realationship. He hasnt introduced me to his family, i just know his brother, and his auncle, but i dont know his parents. He tells me his mother is so religous and she has this persian girl she wants him to marry to, but he says he doesnt want to, that he wants to choose his own wife. But even though he is saying he will fight for us, and he has his own beliefs he hasnt talk about me with his mom, which means something. I dont know if he just wants me to have fun before he marries a persian girl, he says he wants to marry me but after all i have read and being told, i think thats so impossible but he doesnt accept it and neither do i, deep inside me i know this is not going to work but im still talking to him and planning my trip back to Canada. Please i need some advice if i should stop this before this gets worse, because if i go back it will get harder when the relationship has to stop because of his cultural or familiar ties. I dont know what to tell him if i decide to break off because i dont want him to think that im not willing to fight for us, i would be leaving my home, my family for him and i dont know if he is willingo to do the same thing for me. HELP!!

    Reply

  4. bita Says:

    Claudia, honey, u should stop the relarionship I think, this is an advice from a persian girl ! usually, 4 some reason, persian guys end up divorcing their non-persian wives. honey the culture is so different….but i mean ive seen a coupla guys with hispanic wives, n their still 2gether…

    Reply

  5. Pamala Says:

    I need some advice/opinions….. I’m currently dating a Persian guy, have been for the past 6 months….we are the same age (mid 30′s), I am divorced with kids, he has never been married and doesn’t have kids. I am Canadian (with English background) Blonde, curvy…. We have such good times together when we go out, which is usually twice a week. He is a business owner and very busy, a workaholic almost….he is an extremely good looking guy….and treats me like a Queen when we are together, he has more passion and sensuality than any other man I have ever met! People have actually come up to us out of the blue and commented on how good we look together and how it shows how much we are into each other…. ANYWAY, I have never been to his house, he has been to mine several times, he says he lives alone and the reason he doesn’t want me to come there is because of “gossip” he lives in a very densely populated Persian area and has been the topic of gossip in the past and it hurts his parents to hear negative things about him, apparently the Persian girls in his neighbourhood take great pleasure in informing his family of his “girl friends” especially the non-Persian ones.. I have met two of his brothers, who were very nice to me, but I wonder if I’m only a “fling” or if there will ever be more….he is very closed when it comes to talking about himself and his feelings, I know a lot about his past and his past relationships but I really don’t know HIM yet as much as I would like, is this a normal thing with Iranian or Persian men? He tells me how beautiful I am and how he loves being with me but never shares about himself and his feelings…..am I being played or just paranoid?

    Reply

  6. Sweet Larry Says:

    I personally will only date Iranian Women.

    Reply

  7. ARINALY Says:

    TO PAMALA:
    His just playing with you!…Iranian Man physically use “none virgin woman” to practice before they marry A VIRGIN iranian woman (even if they think they are, (some iranina woman get surgery to look virgin again)Stupid MAN). Anyway dear, YOU GO TO HIS HOUSE AND SURPRISE HIM WITH something, like I forgot my office key in your car and I had to come over to pick em up)Now, If he lives with realtives, he will probably deny the relationship and call you FRIEND…. Iranian man, never marry older woman or same age woman, they usually like 20 to 15 year old younger and VIRGIN…a must… So, stop dreaming, and get as much as you can out of him, like a car, expensive gift (They are usually don’t like to spend money on ladies). Don’t waste you time, date anything but an Iranian or Persian Iranian. They like mexicans with black hair and black eyes and long legs with big you know what, because it reminds them of Iranian Woman. He will eventually go back to Iran and marry and Iranian woman, comeback to America and still date you untill his WIFE learns what he wants in Bed. Then, he will dump you, like a nothing, because right now, you are a nothing to him..he wants to use your allready use body…anytime he wants….REMEMBER IRANIAN MAN HAVE A HIGH I.Q. and want the best for themselves. Now, If you were a Dr. and at least 10 years younger then him, then you would probably had a better chance at marriage, but still he will think about it twice…because you are not an Iranian. Iranian man have a strong bond to their mother’s because they consider their mother’s “pure and virgins” and they are looking for the same…..I’m sorry, but this just the truth. I don’t want you to suffer, you are a mother and need to protect yourselve from this WOMAN HUNTER…Your children deserve better…don’t let them down…MOVE ON…Choose American Made…They will probably marry you and truly love you…not this guy…
    Take care..of yourselve and your family…They are the most important individuals in your life…LET THIS GUY USE SOMEONE ELSE, NOT YOU.ACT SMART DUMP HIM..NOW.

    Reply

  8. Iman Says:

    Dear Claudia,

    Thank you for you comment. It is truly an interesting situation and I can see how hard it can be. Let me first tell you that here at Iranican, we only hold discussion panels regarding issues other Iranians deal with in their lives here in America, and none of us are professional in the fields of our topics. So I can give you my opinion and some suggestions, and I can also try to shed some light on how the Iranian family dynamic works, but in the end is your decision and none of what I say here is necessarily true in every case.

    I myself have been raised in a religious family, and I can tell you that that idea of arranged marriage has pretty much gone extinct among younger generation of Iranians. As much as some parents like to make their children marry someone they see fit, it rarely happens because fortunately our culture has passed that stage and it is ultimately the person’s own decision that matters. And as far as religion is concerned and his religious family, that could be a source of problems depending on how independent he is. If you have been with him long enough to know his own religious beliefs and they don’t bother you, then there is a good chance that religion will not be a negative factor. I would highly suggest that you do study about Islam (I’m guessing that his religion) in depth, and if you have fundamental problems and cannot accept it then you may want to rethink the idea of staying with him. But don’t read just anything, and more importantly don’t believe what people tell you, try to draw your own conclusions. I can suggest a few good books if you want.

    The fact that he has traveled to Canada for education, tells me he is pretty independent, and the fact that he is trying to get a work permit for you so you can go back, tells me he is not looking to have fun and marry the Persian girl in the end. He can easily have as much fun as he wants over there without going through the trouble of moving you back to Canada.

    Again all of these are my personal view on the case you have presented in the blog. Hope it helps.

    Best regards,
    Iman

    P.S. Did you actually listen to the radio show podcast on Dating Iranican Style? If so how much of it did you understand?

    Reply

  9. GN Says:

    Someone should tell Claudia the cold hard truth. this guy wants her as a sex buddy and someone to have a good times with until his parents find him a nice virgin girl from Iran.
    That’s why he hasn’t even mentioned her to them. Someone should warn the poor girl not to leave her family and life in Mexico and go after this guy in Canada. I am saying this as an Iranian guy who has many Iranian guy friends…

    Reply

  10. Saba Says:

    Hi Claudia,

    It sounds like you feel happy to have found a great guy, but that you
    are unsure about what to do next. Trust yourself. If you have
    concerns about your relationship, they exist for a reason. It may be
    helpful to check in with yourself about this and take some time to
    reflect on your beliefs about relationships. How much should you
    sacrifice for love? What do you have the right to expect from your
    partner in return for these sacrifices? Also, Claudia, I’m curious to
    know why you’d come to the Iranican website for support. While
    Iranican attempts to bring the views of young Iranians to the public,
    it is important to recognize the endless amount of diversity and
    variation in the cultural understandings and practices that each
    Iranian chooses for himself or herself. This is why it is
    particularly important that you talk to your boyfriend about what you
    both want to do. An open conversation about your needs and
    expectations as well as the effect that this choice is going to have
    on both your lives may make your final decision much clearer. Thank
    you for contacting us and please feel welcome to write back.

    Reply

  11. Iman Says:

    GN,

    Wow buddy, that’s pretty harsh!!! You really think this guy would run after getting her work permit in Canada, just to use her? I mean I’m sure there are many other local options to pick from and fool around with in Canada! It’s not like there’s shortage of girls…

    Also your notion of “Iranian Guy” doesn’t really apply to everyone! In fact it could be offensive to those who are not in such categories.

    Reply

  12. Frances s Says:

    To Claudia,
    you should go with what you heart is telling you.. Im Hispanic and I use to date a Persian guy for about 1 year in a half. He is a great guy till this day we still keep In contact. Even tho we are no longer together.Are relationship ended because of the long distance.I never met this mother & I don’t think she never knew about me only his brothers,sister and uncle.there was apoint in our relationship that he asked me to move In with him. But I couldn’t I wanted to leave my house the right way. Cause that was the way my parent raised us. Till this day I still ask my self what would of happened if I where to have moved in with him to another state. I still care for him and I beleave that if we where meant to be then some day we will be together.I truly hope that he mans up and tells his family aswell for you. I wish you and your guy the best.

    Reply

  13. Ian Says:

    I am a Filipina and I dated Iranian guys (2) but not at the same time. Both are dentistry students. Both relationship didn’t last :(

    The recent Iranian guy i had relationship only lasted for 12 days. When he was courting me, he’s very sweet. He always check me and ask to me to go out with him. When we decided to be together i thought this Iranian guy is different from the first Iranian ex-boyfriend i met before. I thought he’s better.

    The days have gone by, he became busy with his studies. He told me to understand his time so i agreed with it. Even if he wouldn’t text me for 2 days. One day i found out that he’s cheating on me. He dated this other Filipina girl who’s studying at his school. He told me the truth and asked for forgiveness. And because i am so in love with him, i got him back. Then we found ourselves always arguing with the same reasons:
    - He might seeing other girls again.
    - I don’t trust him anymore
    - I always ask his whereabouts
    Right after my birthday he broke up with me. He told me he’s tired of our relationship. He also told me that i am too good for him. He told me that we can’t change for each other. And he also told me that he realized we’re not compatible. I plead and ask for chance but he refuse. He doesn’t want me back.
    I thought my life would be over until such time i got over him. And then he texted me on New Year’s Eve but i replied to him 2 days after. He told me he waited for my text. He asked me if i still think about him and i thought he wants to try our relationship work for the 2nd time. We decided to meet on the same bar where we first met. In there, he made me look like sh*t. He made me jealous. He started to flirt and dance with another girl while i was alone. I thought it would be a good moment for us but i guess i was wrong again.

    I really didn’t get his attitude. I mean, HE ALREADY WON OVER ME. He’s the one who broke up. He’s the one who don’t want to work our relationship. He’s the one who cheated. And then he would ask me out and made me feel like a fool. WHAT’S UP WITH IRANIAN GUYS?!

    Reply

  14. M Says:

    Claudia,

    You should follow your instincts and just proceed with caution. Indeed it is long distance and it is hard to understand whether things are fishy or if this man really wants to be with you it is hard to draw conclusions, unless you take action to be straight forward.

    I think you need to take it upon yourself to have a serious conversation with him before you make any moves to go back to Canada, and tell him he needs to bring the rest of his family into this and that you will not go unless his family at least gives you guys the blessing. Otherwise, trust me, you will never feel happy or comfortable in this situation, no matter how much you love him.

    I’ve had to leave situations that were hard before as well, but life is never easy, and it is full of hard decisions, but you must stand your ground. Proceed with caution and be assertive. If he can’t be straightforward and keeps beating around the bush, ask him why, if he can’t explain why, you know he is trying to hide something and he is no good.

    Hope that helps.

    Reply

  15. M Says:

    I’m actually Hispanic and I hit it off with an Iranian guy the other day really well too. I’ve never met anyone I liked that much from the get go, nor whose culture was as similar as mine. Our family as immigrants, we shared that in common as well. Is it common for Iranian men to be attracted to hispanic women? lol and vice versa. This is the first Iranian I’ve ever met really as strange as that may sound.

    Reply

  16. american girl Says:

    I agree with what another lady was saying about Persian men using non-Persian women until they find a persian woman to marry.

    We White American girls do the same thing to foreigner men. We use them for the sex and fun but when it is time to get married we chose a white man.

    Reply

  17. Kurosh Says:

    american girl.. baby, what’s your number? I think we would get along quite well.

    Reply

  18. Priscilla Says:

    Hi,
    Just like Ian, I am a filipina also and is seeing an Iranian guy. Something happened between us. He is also a dentistry student and its my first time be involved in a foreign guy. I myself is confuse of our relationship. Though he would text me once in awhile but he never did bother to ask for my landline number. Our means of communication is via text only. we see each other once a week. I am in a dilemma right now cause I am not sure if he is really serious about me.

    Its so different being in a relationship with him. Everytime i would open up my feelings, he will just shut me off. And he doesn’t want drama in life. I don’t know if I really mean a thing to him. I don’t know if he really cares for me. I am worried that he is just after sex (after reading all your comments). I was never after his money. And he knows it. He even told me that he can’t find a girl to trust because they were just after his money. And that i am different.

    I really dont know what to believe anymore. I am confuse right now. I dont know if I should continue seeing him. I haven’t caught him cheating. Though there are times im kinda doubtful of him. I have fallen for him already.

    The worse part is, he told me that he cannot marry a foreigner. Its in their culture to marry persian women. But he told that to me after i have put my trust in him. I became so suspicious which he told me but is being patient with my attitude. I’m afraid that one day he would also tell me that i am too good for me. The way the Iranian did to you. I know I have to let him go the fact that he cannot be with me. But i dont know how to do it anymore. I have fallen for him.

    Reply

  19. cheryl Says:

    i’ve dated a Persian man who iniitally was very charming but ended up a cheater,liar, cheap & not very good looking. I found out he was married to an american but
    continued to see him, very bad decision. I ended up getting pregnant, having a miscarriage & when I told him he didn’t give a shit. I learned my lesson, married a nice american & had a child. I wouldn’t recommend american women to go near a
    Persian unless you like pain & suffering

    Reply

  20. chelsea Says:

    hi pris @ ian! i can relate regarding ur issues abt persian guys..i think we have d
    same situations dating persian guy who happens to be a dentist as well here in our
    country..iv dated a persian dentist guy for a month ago..we had a great time
    together like lovers do..he make me feel spaecial and alwys says m d best girl hed
    ever met dat m beutifull blah bla..and d worst thing happen he jz went away go back
    to his country without saying goodbye..his bro jz told me dat der mom has arrange a
    mariage for him in der country..maybe i do fall for him bcz i cried almost everyday
    for hiss loss as wat his bro sed he ddint want to tell me cz he knew i will be sad
    and is difficult for him to tell it to me..iv been trying to forget abt him now.but
    i do have a lot of questions why did he do dat to me??

    Reply

  21. Priscilla Says:

    Hi chelsea
    I know how you’re feeling right now. But as much as it hurts, the truth is we have to move on. The truth is, persian men cannot marry foreigners. I have a persian friend who told me that.

    You can send me an email if you need help. Maybe we can even communicate.
    BTW, from what school did he go to?

    Here is my email add: priscymdz@gmail.com

    Hoping to hear from you soon.

    Reply

  22. chelsea Says:

    hi pris! thank you for the comment u gave to me i will send u email..for now im trying to forget abt him..not to think abt him nymore..ur right we have to move on.i stil cry wenever i remember him i jz cant accept that he ddint even tried to tell me that hes leaving i would understand that..we even talk on the phone the day before he left the country if i only knew i did spend more time wd him gave my last hug and kiss or said goodbye..its already 1 month now that he didnt try to contact me or wat ..his bro said that its ok for him that im mad at him …

    Reply

  23. sam Says:

    I’m an Iranian/Persian and I only stick to my own now a days, though I did have some American and hispanic girlfriends in the past, but that was before I truly started to become more interested into my own culture. I find that if someone shares the same culture, mentality, values, then the marriage will last longer, and in a healthier state too, obviously.

    I don’t know, I just don’t see American girls as marriage material, and many of my foreign non-Iranian friends have the same view, I mean the average American marraige does last less than 10 years. Not to generalize, I know not all American girls are self-obsorbed and lack commitment, but sadly most I met from my own experience and judging by their society and the culture/menmtality that their media encourages, most diffenetly are like this.

    Reply

  24. Rosie Says:

    I’m an American women married to an Iranian-Persian man, and he’s everything I could ask for. We have 2 sons, and I know tons of American women married to Iranian men and all their marriages have lasted, but I must admit, this is only the case if the marriage is based on Iranian or Persian culture.

    Us Americans don’t have a good culture, and true, it’s due to our materialistic society, hence why marriage and rasing kids to most American seems like a burden.

    Reply

    • Sara Says:

      I can’t imagine giving up my culture & religion to marry a middle easterner i.e Persian. If it works for you Rosie great but don’t talk about American culture you sound brain washed. Persian men tend to do that to their women to control them. Persians are more materialistic & arrogant than any American. I think you need to familiarize yourself with Iran. The men get the children in case of divorce & women are treated like second class citizens (NO RIGHTS). How do I know that, I’ve lived in Iran & I’ve known many Iranians. Your marriage will last until you decide you want to be your own person, which you obviously aren’t. If you don’t like America take your Iranian husband & go back to Iran & tell me if you still like Iranian men

      Reply

  25. Wow Says:

    Some of these comments and generalizations of Iranian/Persian MEN and women are very racist and ignorant.

    Reply

  26. naj Says:

    i have a girl friend who was hit on continuously for sex by a man who claimed to be seperated…he told her she would be ideal woman for him, perfect. i think he came close twice but didnt succeed and got angry and would disappear for days. she desperately wants marriage and a family. what can i tell her to get through to her??

    Reply

  27. Rosie Says:

    I highly doubt that these women leaving negative comments about Iranian men are American, but Iranian women who are jealouse that their Persian men are being stolen away by American women in droves ;)

    Reply

  28. natalie Says:

    I’m American and I have worked with persians for 7 years.. A whole company full of them. I’ve seen how the persian men treat women especially American women. They’re disgusting vile abusive pigs! Everyone of them that dated American girls used them and lied to them. Making fools out of them. Calling them cruel names in farsi to their face in front of other persians knowing they didn’t know the meaning, then smile and call them bella. Creeps!
    Never taking them to family functions or buying them gifts. But they lay it on think with the smooth talk and flashy clothes and cars. (you can never tell which ones have money and which ones don’t) They are handsome for sure, but I was never fooled by them. I saw too much and over heard too much. If you know farsi never tell them!

    The persian women are just like Americans as far as sex goes they date and screw American men and are masters at deceit. they’re very good at covering each others back so no one finds out. I made friends with a few of them and they would share the things they did in bed with no shame at all, things no American woman I knew would ever do. The American men must have loved it.

    There culture is full of hypocrisy and laced in deceit. I believe they don’t know better.

    They always marry their own kind and I have never met an honest one yet. They are only here to take advantage of liberty to pervert it and throw back in our face.

    Fortunately I understand farsi and documented everything I saw in journals, eventually I was able to help several women sue that company (the company would not document women’s complaints) for sexual harassment and they won!! The look on the persian men’s faces in the court room( In Iran a woman needs 2 women to equal the testimony of a man and they usually get flogged for it) was a looked I’ll never forget. I was able to say a few words and I looked them right in the eye and told them

    “You may be able to treat women like dogs in Iran, but this is America, you pay for it here.”

    One of them presently has a rape case pending against him in the courts and another who like to call american women (the C word) in farsi was deported back to the Islamic Republic of Iran were he came from..

    Stay away from them the truth is not in them… I am sorry for any woman who tangles with a persian man as I have seen many in my 7 years, 15 at least american women demoralized, degrated and abused by them.

    Good Luck

    Reply

  29. Sam Says:

    Look guys, I don’t want to poison your minds or anything, but this is the truth from experience and observation. This post is made specifically for Iranian-American men and women who have been raised in less conservative houses where they have been allowed to have as many non-Iranian friends and whose families have mostly assimilated to American culture.

    First off, most Iranian families living in the US keep their traditional culture and insist their children befriend Iranians and only Iranians. If not Iranians, then Indian, Chinese, or other Eastern friends are preferred over Americans, Blacks or Hispanics. In fact, parents monitor who the kids are friends with, and influence them daily that “they’re culture is backward and deviant” to scare kids away from developing healthy multicultural friendships. Sad fact is, kids who grow up this way are more suitable living in Iran than in America, where their social actions and attitudes often cause problems for non-Iranians.

    In this respect, Iranian Men are given leniency at a younger age, and taught to marry a good Iranian woman, and are also pushed by their parents to enter Medical, Law, or Graduate School for Engineering. The kids grow up without a sense of identity or individuality, instead choosing a career that makes the most money. Iranian men are money and work obsessed. If you are an Iranian-American woman from a liberal background who is more culturally American than Iranian, please, go find yourself a nice non-Iranian. Or an Iranian that was raised with similar circumstances. Iranian men are also pride obsessed. They will boast and one-up their Iranian friends. Iranian culture is ALL ABOUT image. Further, Iranian boys are raised to have sex with as MANY non-Iranians as they want (this is similar in Arabic culture too).

    What makes a man more manly in Iran? Not being straightforward, confrontational, assertive, or extroverted (American ideals). Iranian men are considered manly if they can trick one another for their personal gain- be it financially or socially. Backstabbing is not uncommon among Iranians. In fact, “zerangi” or cleverness, is celebrated and held as a high virtue- cleverness being the ability to trick someone else at their expense. Iranians are raised with sociopathic morals because this is how one survives in Iran, with its history of repressive regimes throughout the 20th century, and its greater history of authoritarian monarchic rule. What else makes a man more manly? Having lovers on the side. Iranian men are encouraged to have many lovers on the side and the wife knowingly and steadfastly puts up with this garbage. To the wife, it is indicative of her faithfulness. What a load of horsecrap. And EVERY Iranian knows exactly what I’m talking about here.

    So if you are an Iranian-American, or an American woman, with liberal and Americanized ideals, DO NOT date an Iranian man unless he is raised with American ideals (this is very rare, very few Iranian families allow American ideals- many of them are divorced single parent families, or intercultural families). And most importantly, DO NOT DARE DATE an Iranian man who has moved to the US from Iran. Any Iranian from Iran to the US will largely be unable to assimilate to American culture due to the fact that:

    1) Iranians view our 5,000 years of history as somehow making us and our decayed morals superior to those of Americans.
    2) Iranians moving to America have been subjected to one of the worst regimes in the history of human kind, and political repression causes severe lack of morals (look at the former USSR) and psychological problems such as personality disorders of the B Cluster (psychopathy, histrionic, narcissistic, etc). In short, they learned to be that way to survive in Iran, and have been set in their ways.

    NOW ONTO IRANIAN WOMEN…

    I have personal experience with this. As stated, Iranian families keep their tradition and culture, along with the morals they had in Iran. While men are taught to be sexually promiscuous, distrusting, sly, and Machiavellian, Iranian women are taught from a young age to supress their emotions (such as never expressing to a guy that they love them), manipulation, lying, character assassination, and seeking men who are materially wealthy (gold-digging). Furthermore, Iranian parents are extremely overprotective of their daughters, sometimes not allowing them to date until they are 26 or 27 years old.

    In my personal experience with two Iranian college women (I’m a senior in college myself), on both experiences, neither one of us truly got to know each other. I am raised with American values and my family is liberal. Thus, I’m a straightforward, call it how I see it, extroverted, fair-deal, trustworthy person. I had not yet learned about how Iranian women can be, and these two Iranians that I dated were both born in America, but raised in such a way that they only and only had Iranian friends, and were not allowed to date (found that out much later).

    Both relationships started this way. I didn’t know them nor was interested in Iranian women (I like Latinas and Portuguese to be exact). They both began obsessive pursuit. The first one asked me bluntly to be her boyfriend within 40 minutes of us talking. The second one hounded all of my friends for a year and a half, dug up all information she could on me, and basically displayed a childish crush that a 12 year old may have in middle school. Eventually I gave in, on both situations (being that I was inexperienced at the time).

    The first relationship, the Iranian girl asked me out every single day on a date. No time in between. I tried to take it slow with her, but she didn’t get it. She wanted to rush into things and I clearly told her let’s take it slow and get to know each other, I am not your boyfriend yet. Eventually, 3 weeks go by and she begins playing hot and cold with me. After 2 more weeks of this, I give up, and delete her number. A month later, she finds out I’m dating a new girl, attempts to break us up by lying to her and telling her that I’m a cheater. Then I call her angrily and argue with her, telling her to leave us alone. She flips the entire thing on me and accuses me of “moving on too quickly”. I personally do not stick around after getting mixed messages. She then goes on a mission to assassinate my character and burn my reputation. She tells everyone she knows and I know that instead of the other way around, I came on too strong to her, and that she broke up with me, and that I’m crazy! What nerve! And still, she’s already graduated, but even two years later, I sometimes hear a new rumor she started.

    The second Iranian girl I dated was even more bizarre. While the first one screams Fatal Attraction, this second one screams total psychopath. She was haughty and conceited. She was pretty, but dressed extremely conservatively. She tended to talk down on other people and have a very Princess like attitude. On the other side, she would act completely innocent and cute to get my attention. I was not interested in her simply because she and I were intrinsically different- I dress like an average college guy and have friends from many groups and have much more life experience (from living in a poor neighborhood and through divorces, working at a young age, etc), while she was absolutely sheltered and still acted like a 12 year old. I thought that this was her way of trying to get my attention, and eventually she was so persistent with pestering my friends and looking up my information that I took her out on one date to get her off of me. On the date, I was surprised, we clicked pretty well. It was after the third date that she became more and more arrogant and bitchy, acting as if she deserves the very best when I don’t even know who she is and she doesn’t know me. Our conversation topics did not ever exceed her complaints or her biology program. Meanwhile, should I ask her about herself or tell her about myself (on the later dates), she would actively and rudely pretend to not care. When she did talk about herself, it was dramatic. Then I asked her to the movies, and she rudely rejected the idea. In fact, she got up, rolled her eyes and left. So I stopped talking to her after that (what’s the use? put up with all that? i dont even know her well). A month later, she starts stalking my friends again, and eventually we go out again, but same thing happens. So I asked her why she’s so up and down, she spins a lie that she never liked me like that. I asked her why did she stalk my friends and urge them to set us up on dates? She said because Persians should be friends with each other. I told her X,Y,Z,A,B, and C friend told me you told them to tell me you wanted to date me. She tried to convince me then that my friends were all secretly planning to bring me down and that some people choose bad friends because that’s all they deserve (mean, I know right?) and then, when I called her on her bluff, she then tried to convince me that maybe I was going insane and hearing things. Done deal, this bitch was a certified psychopath. She still asks my friends about me.

    So, please, Iranian-Americans. Fellow boys and girls who have been Americanized and hold true the values and morals that allow you to FUNCTION normally in the USA (which is a blessed country for allowing us to emigrate to it and live a good quality life), you are the REAL IRANIAN AMERICANS i refer to. The so-called Iranian Americans who grow up in restrictive Iranian-only families are NOT IRANIAN AMERICANS. They are confused, backward Iranians who still try to live in the past. PLEASE, for your own good, brothers and sisters, get to know the family values of the particular Iranian you are dating. See what his or her views on America are, and please, watch for inconsistencies in talk and behavior, especially when it comes to moral matters. And if you see something you don’t like, RUN. And find a nice Brazilian or Portuguese lover that will take care of you hehe :)

    PS: It is not so much that they are evil, its just the Iranian culture’s moral system works for them in Iran. Not in the US. Here, their actions would confuse, hurt, and bewilder American partners. And for Iranian-Americans who consider themselves American, the conservative Iranian culture is beautiful in its artwork, stories, and foods. But the customs, morals and family values are absolutely inverted and almost impossible to understand without losing your own morals. Take care!

    Reply

    • Sara Says:

      Loved your comment, very TRUE. Iranian men seem tp ;iike tp be called Persian, possibly because of their dislike of the regimen. I find these men love to proposition American
      women whether they are married or not. They show no loyalty to their wives or
      family. Adultery is like nothing to them. They have high opinions of themselves & think
      they’re God’s gift to the world. Many are highly intelligent & hard workers. Unfortunately
      many have no moral compass. I have many Iranian female friends who are generous
      & interesting to be with. I would only date an Iranian born in USA for the reasons you
      outlined

      Reply

  30. tiffanny Says:

    Hi All,

    i am so glad to have visited this page. I really need an advise these days. For a while, this has not been bothering me, until i believed i am falling to this iranian guy. I am 5 years older than he is, i am a young executive working in a corporate firm and I met this Dentistry Iranian guy in my country.

    It’s been a year and a few months now since we started dating. For the first 6 months, he pursued me, dedicated and persevering. I was given an awesome treatment. He’d see me two times a day or as many as he can and doesn’t get tired of doing it. I would say though , that he first fell for me. He was so into me for the first few months, however, i am a girl who seeks after a serious relationship, being in a relationship for me doesn’t work overnight, or in a few months of dating. I take it slowly but surely. Over the months that passed, i noticed the big difference in our culture and the way we are being raised in different cultures..He tried to be intimate with me, or held my hand on the first month of dating, but i begged off. I mentioned that if ever we will be holding hands in the future, it will just come out naturally, and we need not force it.. This guy hasn’t stopped pursuing me, he is still around. My problem is, i have fallen for him now, but since the year started, he has not been the same guy that he was with me when he was soo into me.. He doesnt also ask me no more if i wanted to be his girl, and i was giving him the signals that i am ready now. Although he still calls me, but it is not as often as how he would last year. Also, he was very eager to invite me to his house, but not anymore. Also, every time i’d go see him as agreed, he would let me park my car a block away from his house. Last year, he doesn’t mind me parking right infront of his house building. When i asked him why he’s changed, he gets upset and tells me nothing has changed.. Do you think i should stop seeing him?? i don’t feel the special treatment that i used to get from him last year. Although, he is still the same nice guy to me, but do i feel something’s has changed. do i feel that way because now i am in love with him and i expect more??i want to be in a relationship legally, i don’t know what we have right now..Although he still calls me whenver he can when he is in school. Also, i noticed that he liked me more as soon as he learned that i am back to my master’s school.

    Please advise what to do. Thank You

    Reply

  31. setare Says:

    I need help! I was dating with an iranian guy for almost 9 months we shared a lot of things, we had a great and wonderfull time. I know he loved me because he told me so and I still love him. After a fight we had he decide that we need to broke up, and that he needs time to think, to figure out what he wants. I’m latina. I even start learning farsi because of him and i’m good at it. What should i do because i feel so bad, so hurt and so sad. I truly love him. This “need time” means that is over? He texts me once every two days it’s been 10 after we broke up. Help please. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply

  32. mohammad Says:

    سلام بر تمام ایرانیان سرافراز در سراسر دنیا مخصوصا در ایالات متحده آمریکا
    من محمد 31 ساله ، مهندس کامپیوتر هستم . من از خانواده ای اصیل ایرانی هستم . پدرم عمرشو داده به شما .
    برادر اول و دوم من یکی در جنگ شهید و دومی کارمند در حال ماموریت هر دو شهید شدند . در حال حاضر 3 برادر متاهل و یک خواهر مجرد با مادر پیر در خانه زندگی می کنم .
    آرزوی من از کوچکی این بود که یک روز در امریکا ازدواج کنم . تابحال حتی با فرصت های بسیاری که داشتم بخاطر اینکه به آرزوی خود برسم همه آنها را رد کردم . من اولا چون از کوچکی ورزش می کردم در حال حاضر استاد کاراته و ووشو و قهرمان اسبق چند دوره کشور و استان فارس .
    بعد از فارغ التحصیل بلافاصله در مشاغل مختلف همزمان سخت کار کردم تا حالا توانستم سرمایه ای خوب داشته باشم که فعلا بخاطر بلاتکلیف ماندنم در بحث ازدواج کل سرمایه ام را در بانک قرار داده و سود به آن متعلق می گبرد .
    اما حالا احساس می کنم با توجه به اینکه خدا را شاهد می کیرم که اهل هیچ برنامه ای که در ایران شاید اکثر جوانان به آن گرفتار هستند من حتی یک مورد نبودم و فقط به فقط سرم توی لاک خودم به امید آینده ….
    اما الان با تحمل تمام آن همه سختی ها و محروم کردن خودم از خیلی چیزها احساس بی سروسامانی می کنم . من از شما خواهش می کنم تا هر کمکی که می توانید به من بکنید تا گره ی کار من بدست مبارک شما باز شود و من قول می دهم برای جبران تا حد توانم برای کمک شما انجام دهم .
    اگر ازدواج دختر با اصالت ابرانی باشد عالی هست اگر نبود دختر خوب آمریکائی هم با شد مسئله ای ندارد فقط اهل زندگی باشد ( صادق ، متعهد و اهل سازش )
    ضمنا دوست دارم سرمایه ام را در مورد خوبی در همان جا سرمایه گذاری کنم که اینم در قدم دوم انشاالله
    متاسفانه همه ی این بدبختی ها به دلیل اوضاع بد مشکلات سیاسی ایران و تحریم هست که ضررش من تحصیل کرده هزار آرزو به دل مانده می کند .
    امیدوارم که با توجه به درک موقعیت من به من توجه خاص و اورژانسی بکنید . من آماده ام در مراحل بعد هر اقدامی که گفتید انجام دهم . ضمنا بدلیل مشکلات سیاسی از گرفتن کارت اعتباری بین المللی محرومیم .
    من در صورت موفقیت به کمک شما نقدا تقدیم شما می کنم .
    با تشکر از هم وطن عزیز خودم
    به امید آینده
    محمد

    Reply

  33. Anha Says:

    I have been involved with a Persian guy for about 8 months now. He was everything I wanted and more.. he protected me took amazing care of me.. convinced me to go back to school full time. He made me laugh till it hurt, I felt safe with him. It didnt matter what we were doing or where we were as long as we were together i was happy. He was born in Iran and moved to canada at a young age. He follows the Bahai religion.. I am undecided about my faith and my religion, however I was always open to the ideas about his religion and appreciated it and respected it. He asked me once if I would consider converting.. I told him I would like to learn about it more but that I was completely open to the idea.. even willing to go to his temple and sit in on discussions. This also made his family proud. Although he had many of his cultures values and beliefs instilled in him he did not really follow them like his family would have liked him to. He was a DJ at a club.. partying and drinking alot. I was the first girl he ever introduced to his parents. I have tattoos and piercings, he asked me to remove my piercings and cover my tattoos when I was with his family. I did just that. I also smoked when we met.. after a month of dating he talked me into quitting (which I had no problem with)… slowly but surely I noticed alot of things about my were changing.. He started asking me not to go out.. not to hang out with certain people. he said he liked the idea of me being home or at his house where he knew i was safe. If i wanted to go out.. i could only go to the club he was dj-ing at or he would ask his friend to come along with me to make sure i was safe. he started going through my phone.. he gained access to my email accounts and facebook account. i noticed my social life was slowly diminishing and i became exteremly dependent on him. I was only happy with him.. i knew this wasnt healthy but i thought i loved him. when i wouldnt let him know i was leaving the house or going to see a friend.. he would show up.. its like he had eyes on me everywhere i was constantly looking over my shoulder.. scared that he might see me and know that i was out. I was a very social person who loved to have fun.. but that all changed. he had control over every aspect of my life. I became afraid of him. when i didnt do what he asked.. he made sure i felt lower then dirt. he would call me names and accuse me of things untill i couldnt take it anymore and cut him off. a few days later it was all “i love you.. i just want whats best for you.. i can provide you with everything you need.. you dont need these other people.. they wont care for you like i will.. they wont love you like i will..” i dont know if he actually loves me.. or if he loves the idea of what he could turn me into… HELPPP! =(

    Reply

  34. Cheryl Says:

    ALL american woman need to be warned about these Persian/Iranian men living
    in our country & trying to bed as many american women as they can because
    they believe “all american women are whores” it doesn;t matter if they are
    married, dating or whatever they’ll try to tell you whatever you want to hear
    to get what they want SEX. God forbid if you marry one. They are horrible
    husbands, cheaters, cheap, treat women like slaves, control freaks, insecure.
    etc etc. Run as fast as you can away from these nasty bastards. Let them stay
    with their own kind Good luck finding a virgin to marry in america. They need
    to go back to iran Who needs um. These middle eastern sand niggers are
    ruining our country. Hope this bill in senate to deport them passes….

    Reply

  35. berouz Says:

    [Edited by Admin for profanity. Replaced by ... or ***]

    Wow….cheryl…wow
    Alot of comments here are just plain racist. First of all no two men are alike. Secondly culture means nothing these days with the globalization. All cultures are mixing together through media and such.

    Cheryl you are a racist p**. Its funny if a bunch of Iranian men do some s*** then the entire Iranian community gets the f***g blame. But if a white guy does the same, then ” ohh well it was just THIS white guy, lets try another white guy”. You see how you got a f***d up double standard??

    Go do some research and you will see people with white backgrounds and white couples have the highest divorce rates. so how do you explain that? ohh wait, i know, you just slowly and quietly turn your head and walk away from it.
    These comments here are all shit, shit i tell you. There is not a single comment thats worth the space it took on this site. Give me advice on Iranian men???? thats the dumbest question i have ever heard? Iran is a diverse country with many different culture and people who speak different languages. So its people are not one small group that you can take a fucking note on. No country in the world has a manual for its men and/or women. And if someone tells you otherwise then they are taking you for a fool.

    So here is what you should do from now, if you get hurt by a white man then stop dating all white men, if you get hurt by a black man then stop dating all the black men, if you get hurt by asian man then stop dating all asian men and soon enough there will be no man for you to date!! what the point here is, is that a group or nation of people CAN NOT BE THE SAME. it is impossible that all Iranian men be the same and have the same attitude and if you think they do then….
    Sure there are aholes in every country, society or group of people and we Iranians got more than our share, but that dont mean all Iranian men are gonna do the same. I mean what the f*** are you thinking people???
    I have many white friends who sleep around and lie to women to get laid, no matter what. I have got black friends and Chinese friends who do the same s**t. There are lots of scums around men and women. I also got lots of Iranian, white, black, asian friends who are very decent people. Just because some one hurt you doesnt mean every man that is from the same country or with the same skin color is gonna do the same.

    And one more thing ‘THERE IS NO F***G MANUAL FOR IRANIAN MEN, OR ANY OTHER MAN FOR THAT MATTER.’ If you get problems with a man then its better to ask that man your questions, dont come here and ask for opinions on some guy from some people who have never met that guy. How the f** can i tell you about someone i have never met????

    Cheryl … you got hurt and on a plan to hurt every iranian man because some moron hurt you.
    I am an iranian and i am no different then a white, black, or asian man. Some women i may date and not like, and some i may date and like.

    Also when it comes to marrying a woman, i will pick the one that i love and i dont give … what color her skin is or where she is from. As long as it is not … like cheryl.

    Anyone who tells you who to date and who not to date has personal agenda, and has some gain in it. If you got problems with a person then you better talk to that very person, the rest of the entire world cant help you because they dont know that person or what that person is thinking or what plans he or she has got in his mind for you.

    Thanks for reading my comment.

    Reply

  36. Rebecca Says:

    Berouz…

    I couldn’t say it any better… damn, some of you guys are angry people! Lighten up!

    Reply

  37. bathsheba Says:

    berouz, it is a completely valid point you make. generally speaking, generalizations are overly vague, erroneous, and often hurtful-unintentially or otherwise.

    but as an american woman dating an “iranican” man, with very little persian cultural knowledge prior to our meeting, i must say i find myself wondering at times if there are cultural divides that are too big to cross.

    all circumstances are different, of course, and in my case these concerns are amplified by being prematurely thrust into a long-distance relationship (my fault, a necessary move for a professional opportunity too impossibly good to turn down). he is american-born and quite liberal, but holds family (who knows nothing of me) and culture in high esteem, with a certain regard that i–again, knowing too little of his cultural heritage–have come to attribute as a persian quality. its one that i respect, and admire.

    our relationship has been intense, honest, beautiful, open. he’s talked frankly with me about his concerns of his parents’ approval of a partner, in abstract terms. that he doesn’t want to broach that topic with them until he’s sure he’s found “the one.” i don’t know if he is “the one” for me, nor does he, it hasn’t had enough time yet. but i fear that his desire to please his family–the same desire that drives a work ethic firmly rooted in contributing to society and the least well off among it (and NOT by personal financial gain as others have indicated)–i fear this will also lead him to a realization one day that the only woman who can fit seamlessly into his life will need to be an iranian-american too.

    please, spare me the sweeping generalizations and the overly-blunt and harsh words. this man is by all accounts a true gentleman, but i know, just as when he mumbles to me things in farsi when he is half asleep, that he is treading between two worlds. for those of you out there who walk these delicate cultural tightropes too, i would very much appreciate some insight into how wide this divide is that i endeavor to cross… and what it would take to do it. he is not particularly religious, although he does keep halal. i do so too in his company, although he’s never asked me too. i would likewise respect the level of his family’s religious observance if invited into their home. but these are surface level acts–i suspect there is a deeper cultural identity that my abstaining from pork or alcohol cannot begin to touch. what i desperately want to know, impossible though it may be, is–could i ever be truly accepted into that side of his world, or will i always be an outsider?

    many thanks.

    Reply

  38. berouz Says:

    bathsheba. You asked for some advice not “overly-blunt” as you put it so i will give you my experience as my sister is married to a white man for 6 years now, and my youngest brother is married to a white woman.

    I am not gonna tell you how your relationship will turn out with this guy cuz i dont know you or him. but what i can tell you is that if you guys love each other and value each other, then things will work out. I am sure his parents will see that their son is happy when he is with you and his happiness will matter to them most.

    I will tell you about my family’s experience with “outsiders” haha. When my sister brought home her love of her life, my parents were a bit worried that he is not Iranian and the cultural difference would be too great and all, and it would not last and negativity like that. However after sometime of getting to know this person, he became just a member of our family, just like an Iranian man would have.

    Now let me tell you somethings, it wasnt and is never easy to learn to live with two cultures( i have lived with two cultures for 20 years now). My bother in-law at first complained about some aspects of our culture like our hospitable attitude, saying its too much for him to take care of so many guests and so on. He also complained about some things that are considered great in Persian culture but not so great in western culture.(your boyfriend can fill you on these). There were things that my sister complained about him too. But after a while both sides saw that regardless of background, all people have good points and bad points and you will have to accept them if you want to live a happy life.

    Will you be accepted into that family? i dont know, maybe and maybe not.

    But i can tell you that in order to get along with people of different background, you have to show them that you respect their culture and you are willing to get to know their culture and you are doing all of this because you love the man you are with and would like to keep it that way. I think any decent person, regardless or nationality or background can see that you are working hard to achieve something wonderful, like a healthy relationship, and in 9 out of 10 cases will help you out with things that you need help with, let it be culture, language, custom etc. SO rest assured that as time goes by and as you get to know them and they get to know you, you will slowly become more and more accustomed to them and them to you to the point that you will no longer be and “outsider”, just like my brother in-law and my sister in-law are not outsiders, they are family.
    As an Iranian who moved to north america as a teenager, i can tell you that i can not get rid of my Iranian culture no matter what, and i would never want to, cuz its part of me. But at the same time i have picked up many good things from western culture and i have also lightened up on many Persian cultural ideas due to my experience in life in the West. I am dating a white american woman now. and although we both see the differences in each others culture, we still are pretty happy with each other and we try to understand the other persons values and views.
    I think even if you marry a person of the same background or culture you still have to compromise on many things to make your marriage work.

    So to summarize, i think you can live a happy life with a person of different background, BUT you have to be willing to give up some parts of your culture and he has to be willing to give up some parts of his culture. A healthy mix of cultures is what will work for you guys to make a healthy mixed relationship :)

    Best of luck to you.

    Reply

  39. Helenah Says:

    I’m an American/Latina girl who has met some amazing Persian men over the last few years in California. I have not once felt used or abused, or ever treated badly. In fact, quite the opposite. These men treat me like a queen and I enjoy their company tremendously. I don’t get so hung up on what the future holds, but I know it’s within me to make the best decisions for myself with eyes wide open. I’m sure whoever this woman Cheryl who posted such ugly comments above has attracted the very same negative type person as she, and wants to blame others. That’s too bad, she will most certainly keep attracting the same kind with that attitude, Persian or not.

    Reply

  40. Kian Says:

    First time poster here. Glad I found this site, as I’m having issues, as a American guy (I’m a convert to Islam, half Afghan-Bangladeshi, half White American and 24 years old). I recently met this Iranian girl in my Arabic class. She’s 22 years old and has lived here for about two years. I honestly can’t make sense of her behaviour. Is it something cultural or just basic human nature. I’ve talked to her over the past several weeks, gotten her number, and finally set-up a coffee date (which she couldn’t make it to). It’s not like I got stood up (as she contacted me that day to let me know that she couldn’t make it). However, during class, she was acting kinda strange (quiet, not talkative, etc.) I tried to explain that it wasn’t a big deal. At first she thought I was still pushing the issue, but eventually got it that I was being chill about it. Funny thing is, even with all the seemingly positive signs I get, she always seems to be in a rush after class, which I inevitably interpret as meaning that she doesn’t want to walk with me, etc. Though, I’m perfectly aware that she could and probably does have other commitments, I just can’t shake this feeling that I’ve done something wrong, since I saw her walking away with this Pakistani dude (who’s been giving me a hard-time lately, as if trying to make me look like a horse-ass, if I overreact). Am I making a mountain out of a molehill, or are my feelings right on this one?

    Reply

  41. Kian Sattar Says:

    Just realized how clingy/needy I am/have been…so, please ignore my previous comment. I need to chill out and give this girl her space.

    Reply

  42. Wilson Says:

    I am an American who was born in another country but grew up in California. About two years ago, I met the most wonderful Iranian woman while she was in Los Angeles for an study exchange program. She is very smart, classy, beautiful, and just the most wonderful person. We had chemistry from the start. I was instantly smitten. We had a whirlwind romance for the next several weeks before her time in the US finished and she had to go back home. She was born in Tehran but grew up in Canada.

    We both decided to continue our relationship and try our hand at a long distance. Between phone, texting and video chats, it made it easier to spend time apart. Not the same, but it helped. As time passed, we grew even closer and became best friends. We both professed our feelings for each other. She constantly talked about moving to Los Angeles were she felt very much at home having a large Iranian community and similar weather as Tehran. We talked every day. We visited each other every several months and took vacations together when we could. This went on for the last 2 years.

    I had never met her parents but they knew of me. She always expressed that it would very difficult for her family to accept me. Now, I’m quite aware of the culture’s deep tradition especially when it comes to dating, but she was different. She was modern, educated and liberal. She was constantly telling me how she would love a future with me but still thought that it would a burden for being non-Iranian to be a part of her life. I always told her that this would not bother me as long as we had our own life together. I would not get in the way of her and her family and would gladly be there if they accepted me. My family has met her and thinks she’s just wonderful. She also is very fond of them.

    Every six months, her parents come from Tehran and visit her in Canada. Eventually I started noticing a pattern that after their visit, she would always go through a guilty complex about her relationship with me. She also cancelled on our last planned meeting. Just recently, she decided to end our relationship. She told me that it would be too much of a battle in her life to have me in it. Now I understand that we’re from different family cultures and that there is a geographical distance between us which could be eventually be resolved. I am very hurt of course. My love and care for this woman is endless. She means the world to me. I know that deep down inside she also feels the same. I was very angry and sad. I’ve already gone through the motions, accepted the situation but I still have not contacted her since we broke up cause I needed time to process. I always told her if this time ever came, I would make it very easy on her. I know she was hurting as well. I don’t want to lose her because she is my best friend. All I still think about is her. I’m lost. I respect her decision cause all I want for her is her happiness. I still want to be her friend and be a part of her life. I have never met a woman I was more in synch with. What can I do?

    Thank you,

    Wilson

    Reply

  43. Morty Says:

    as an iranian guy all i can say is this. f*** fear, drink beer.

    Reply

  44. coopergurl Says:

    wow there are a lot of hurt feelings here and also a lot of valid points. but i believe each situation is unique. i am black and was with my iranican love for 9 years. we were very close. our relationship was what we wanted it to be. we remain friends to this day. he left for better job oppurtunities. i loved him enough to wish him the very best. i chose to stay here in our hometown. he will always be one true love in my heart and he treated me very well. i hope some people here can see maybe they have just been hurt. please dont generalize all men of iranian culture to be the same and take some responsibilty for thier part in the relationship

    Reply

  45. Maryam Says:

    hi wilson i got so sad when i read your comment.im persian girl and my fiance is australian.at first my parents didnt accept him but i insist so much because he is all my life and ive known him for seven years .i had the same situation like your girlfriend .
    my email is :mary_persian00@yahoo.com
    please email me if you still have the same problem

    Reply

  46. Ferni Says:

    Hello: I’m a Peruvian ( south American/ Hispanic) guy raised in southern California, who met this beautiful Persian girl from new York about 2 months ago. At the beginning everything wad going fine, we would talk everyday , and meet up almo st everyday , we had a lot of fun together. She is very open and liberal at first, but then we both noticed that feelings were growing for each other. I was ok with that because I liked her . Then she started telling ne that we should stop seeing and talking to each other, that really confused me a lot cause when I stopped talking to her she would called me and ask me to meet up. But then a few days later she would ask me to stop calling her…! One night she told me that her family would never accept me, but that she doesn’t care because she doesn’t think that way, she said she wasn’t really into Persian guys, and that she was really getting into me :/ . I really like this girl but it seems that she is always changing her mind . Now she went back to new York for the holidays. My question is …is there a chance for a Persian girl and a Hispanic guy to have a romantic relationship? And maybe in the future a marriage? Or should I just move on or give it another shot? I didn’t know Persian girls were so beautiful.
    P.s she said she has told her mother about me but not het Dad…well its only been 2 months.

    Reply

  47. Nicola Says:

    I am from uk, I\’ve been seeing an Iranian man 4 4 years I love him but he is possessive, and nasty and he smokes opium. I love him alot but after 4 years we are still not married. Im 25 now and I\’m guessing it\’s just not going to work.

    Reply

  48. Sina Says:

    I just stumbled upon this blog and after reading a few of the comments, I realized that Iranian or Persian guys are being targeted as liers, cheaters and possessive.

    First let me introduce myself. My name is Sina and I’m currently 22 years old. I live in Toronto, Ontario and am currently studying Biology at Ryerson University.

    There are both good and bad in every culture. Yes I do agree that some Persian guys can be A**holes and lie and cheat, but there are good ones out there too that still believe that a lady deserves a flower unexpectedly or perhaps she should be treated as if she’s an angel.

    It is also not true that Persian guys will ONLY marry PERSIAN GIRLS. This is not written in stone, I have seen relationships that have ended in marriage of a non-persian girl with a persian guy. Some of you might wonder “you’re 22 how in the world can you know about marriage and relationships?” well as it happens I was raised in a family where family itself was deemed sacred. What I mean by this is that I was raised dreaming of the day that I’ll have my own house, wife and kids and I’ll be inviting families and friends over for a nice BBQ while kids play in the backyard swimming pool.

    I personally believe the type of guy persian or non-persian you end up falling for depends on what type of values he was raised with. If he was raised believing that women can be objectified, then guess what, he will end up cheating and lying to you.

    All I’m asking is, don’t put guys like myself, who are hopeless romantics, in the same pile as ‘cheaters and liars’

    Reply

  49. SM Says:

    There is a “romance novel” written about an american woman in Iran falling in love with an Iranian man during the 2009 elections. It is called The Sigheh. It has one explicit scene in it. Let me know what you think. https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/156071

    Reply

  50. Verona Says:

    Hi,can you advise?Have I done the right thing?I was in relationship with an Iranian for 7 years.We were so much in love with each other.First 2 years were great and we enjoyed our time together, movies or going out to pubs together, he was sending me romanticmessages that I was the one.Things changed over 2 years when I started to mention marriage, because I am European Catholic and it was important for me not to live in sins.He was repeating that it is too soon for him and his family will not accept my culture and background,but I was patient and waiting…I fell pregnant and my parents were very angry that my Iranian boyfriend doesn’t want marriage.Finally we got engaged and lived together and everything changed.He asked me to cut off my friends, even females, not go out, even on short holiday with my friends and I was not allowed to talk to men and go to work.I am highly educated and it was like punishment for me to stay only at home, but I tried to accept it and lived according o his rules, I was cooking, cleaning, looking after our child and making nice surprises for him, helping his family and inviting them for dinners and sweets, but he controlled me more and more and I started to feel unhappy and lonely, because when he was off work sometimes he was going out alone to see his cousines r out o pubs, and explaining me that he can but I can’t.I couldn’t understand this.Once when I didn’t listen to him and had my own oppinion he broke up my laptop to punish me and became very agressive few times , throwing furniture arround.I was scared, I packed my things and ou sons and move back to my parents.I love him so much but I had to leave him…I was waiting patientally that 1 day we get married but he was always telling me that we will do when I will be 100% obedient to him.He was the love of my life and we had plenty of beautiful moments together too, but the culture difference was to huge.When I moved out from him he even didn’t fight for us to take us back, now he is texting me that I broke his heart and took his son away.My heart is bleeding too, but what could I do in such situationWhy he was saing he loved me but was trying to change me and impose strict rules on me.I am fom good family and never gave him a reason not to trust me, but he was always jelaous and creating starnges views in his mind that I am cheating on him even with postman?Have I done right to leave him,maybe he would change with time and we could be happy?I can’t live without him, it’s so hard…My life is finished.

    Reply

  51. Cyrus Says:

    This Iranians in the blog barely know how to speak Farsi. Listen American Iranians if you can’t speak Farsi fluently don’t record your blog in half English and half broken Farsi. It sounds awful to the ear. If you can’t speak Farsi correctly “foundatione doroste”. Fake ass California Persians.

    Reply

  52. Grace Says:

    To Verona: You made the right decision. I know it really hurts but it’s time for you to move on. Take care and God bless you always.

    Reply

  53. Delores Says:

    Awesome website! Has put so much stuff in context for me, coming out of a manipulative relationship with who I now consder to be a narcissistic, psycopathic, Persian guy. I feel so stupid for trusting him but seeing other people’s comments has helped me to get a broader context of the issues. Whilst I am also convinced that there are good and bad people in every culture, it has to be said that certain cultural experiences and markers seem to prevail in the examples discussed. Whilst it may well be through no fault of his own and because of a process of cultural evolution of having to adapt to and evade repressive regimes, I find the ‘machiavellian’ slyness the hardest thing to overcome in the Persian guy I met – it’s like there is a need to pathologicaly lie all the time and game play and at one level I think he actually ends up believing his own web of fantasies – so it becomes practically indsitinguighable from the truth for him – very scary. I also found his narcissism overbearing – the sense of the whole universe revolving around him. But also the complete lack of empathy or interest in what I might be feeling or experiencing. He would regularly not make eye contact or display any response on the facial expression registry when I tried to communicate with him. Relationships with other males seemed to lack sincerity and revolved around relatively shallow common interests such as material wealth, drugs, sex and friends were often one day ‘besties for life’, and worst enemies the next. Not to mention the moodiness, dummy spitting tanties, excessive sleepiness and complete lack of desire for verbal communication. Complete indifference one day and excessive off the scale possessiveness the next. There was also an alarming sadism – almost like a sense of joy in causing another person pain- both physical and emotional. And yet in spite of all of this and of the fact that I am a very strong, intelligent and together person I remained drawn to him like a magnet for months and still struggle over my recent decision to sever links. It’s like there is a chemical covalence that keeps me bonded to this man at some subliminal level. Although he never did use physical violence towards me he had a default persona that was very agressive (lots of fights)and for the first time in my life I find myself understanding something about battered wives syndrome – which I never thought I would empathise with or understand. As other commentators have said, I am not going to let the experience of this one man tarnish my whole world view of Iranians, but on the other hand I will definitely tread with greater caution if that opportunity arises again. My greatest challenge now is to resist the lure to be drawn into the web again..as I know that this one is being spun by a tarantula. Thanks for all the comments posted and the opportunity to share perspectives and reflect – has been a positive cathartic step..

    Reply

  54. lacrimosa Says:

    I am American. I will share my experience to help others.

    Once I met a tall, handsome guy with deep, dark, penetrating brown eyes. He had a very exotic accent. His name was unusual. He was very CHARMING and sweet, chivalrous and bewitching. Since American guys have very little charm, this guy initially seemed exotic and prince-like; he was different, beguiling; he was like a drug. He was sooo hot.

    I had met my first Persian.

    Initially what I liked about him was that he was smart. He didn’t mind answering my questions about Iran and his culture (I had a curiosity). He liked conversing. He had a depth of perspective on life and a soulfulness that were difficult to find in Americans. He professed a loyalty to his family, especially his mother. He was, overall, intriguing and different.

    All this would have been great if only he was not completely insane.

    He would have been a great character in Alice in Wonderland. It was impossible to ever make any sense out of him. He changed everything he said. There was absolutely NO truth to be found. I’m not sure if he even realized he was telling conflicting stories all the time. He was totally paranoid all the time. He would always badmouth his “friends” behind their backs. He would alternate in and out of a myriad of confusing and contradictory personas: humble chivalrous knight, cruel abuser, good samaritan, arrogant accuser, all-knowing advisor, angry child, pious saint, wise philosopher. His whole personality seemed largely fabricated. I think most of the time I was with him, I was in a sort of stunned speechlessness at how unbelievably psycho he was. Looking back on it, I don’t even know what was true or false in anything he said, or who he really was.There was a complete and total narcissism, like the whole world revolved around him. He turned out to be very very emotionally, verbally, psychologically *abusive*, belittling, insulting, arrogant, confusing, and hurtful. Being involved with him was PURE PAIN. He was an *emotional sadist* – he loved to say whatever would hurt me the most. He was very perceptive; it was like he could read my mind. And he knew exactly what would hurt the most. And the gleam in his eye – he enjoyed it so much. The psychological definition of a passive-aggressive sadist describes him exactly. He seemed to enjoy drawing people into his web of chaos and drama and abuse. The most ludicrous thing was that he professed to be a Christian.

    Whenever I would confront him about his abusiveness, he would turn everything around on me like it was my fault. He would vilify *me* for the abuse that he inflicted! He would feign chivalry and feign forgetfulness whenever it was convenient for him. Discussing anything with him was exhausting and draining and impossible. I would go around in circles with him, never getting anywhere. I was always left with an overwhelming confusion and bewilderment and hurt.

    When I tried to leave him, he came after me like a child, begging me not to leave him, not to hate him. He was literally like a child living in the body of a grown man. He would say “Let’s meet to clear things up” and when we met, he would say “What did you want to talk about?” EGO, massive ego, refusing to talk about his feelings or even show them. Denying or denigrating my emotions. Resentful, stubborn, recalcitrant. Getting away from him was almost impossible. I don’t think it was because he cared about me. I think it was only because, like a vampire, he liked feeding off the rush he got from wounding me over and over again, from seeing the hurt look in my eyes. It gave him a sick sense of power. He couldn’t let go.

    Breaking things off and trying to get closure was a horrible painful battle because he didn’t want to hear me confront him about how he had abused me – he kept interrupting me and belittling me over and over again like a bully and trying to give advice that I never asked for (arrogance) and turning everything around on me. I had to fight to move on from this most assuredly sadistic, abusive, evil, mentally ill man. In the end, the only way I broke off communication was – when he kept texting me I told him “you can text me all you want, but I am not reading your text messages anymore.” After sending a few more text messages, he finally stopped.

    **It has been my experience that abusers LOVE texting because they can get away with their abuse very easily in texting. There are no third parties or witnesses to read the abusive things they say.

    While he and I were involved, I carefully considered having sex with him. He saw I was interested in his Persian culture and he tried to use that to his advantage to seduce me. It was very tempting because he was so attractive. But I could see he was very unstable and soulless. It was quickly apparent that one of his main goals in life was to seduce any female who could fog a mirror. Although his English was a little broken, his sex vocabulary was very thorough and accurate. He would voluntarily tell me about the last time he had sex, etc. But he wanted all the fun with none of the responsibility. I asked him to get an STD test done, and he flatly refused. Because of this, I never had sex with him. Though several times he tried, I always said no. I didn’t have sex with him because I also knew he was a player, and I was just another american whore in his eyes. Although in reality, *he* was the slut. I feel sorry for any girl who succumbs to his charms and has sex with him. He will use them, blame them, dump them, brag to his “friends”, and move on to the next girl, laughing all the way. The girl will be stuck with the disease, the baby, the financial burden and the broken heart. All on her own. It’s not worth it.

    The truth is ugly: many guys of any nationality will say *anything* to get sex, and the sex really means nothing to them. You are just a conquest. You are not even a real person to them. They don’t care what you think or feel. They don’t care about your pet cat or your childhood dreams. They certainly don’t care if you get pregnant. They will lie, drug and rape to get sex. Don’t waste time on these worthless players. Focus on your own life.

    I still have anger and a large feeling of injustice about the way he treated me. In spite of that, I am choosing to let him go. Though he never took responsibility for how he treated me, I choose now to let justice work itself out. It does seem strangely anti-climactic. But there is a saying: “Give a person a rope that’s long enough and they will hang themselves.” A person like him with extreme mental problems and sadism – no matter how many people he tries to surround himself with – he will always be alone in life.

    I think that given the inordinate amount of people (including Persians) who share similar stories about abusive Persian men – there is obviously something to it.

    Now this Persian guy is no longer in my life. But he is still out there in the world. Like a vampire, he needs a victim to survive. Don’t let that victim be you.

    Reply

  55. pishi joon Says:

    I am an American woman who has known many Iranians in the last ten years. I have been in relationships with Iranian men from all backgrounds, been to Iranian parties and worked with Iranians, I have seen the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to the Iranian people and their culture. My advice to Western woman is go into a relationship with an Iranian man without expectations because most likely it will not work out in the end. I have seen a few successful “hybrid” Persian/Western unions, but in most cases you man will end up marrying an Iranian woman and you can’t take it personal because it has little to do with you but if the relationship does works in the end even better. Either way it is still true that one can not generalize Iranians, people are individuals and have their own minds. In the end I ended up marrying a Turkish man because after years of being with Iranian men I didn’t feel closer to enjoying the materialism, the endless pressure for status and higher education. I found the gossiping and “one upping” their friends and family to be something that I wanted to run from. I have never met such judgmental people in my life and it seemed to me their self-worth is in their status. Most of the Iranian men that I have met want a wife who is highly educated, comes from a good family but agrees with whatever he wants, they also want a woman who cooks Irani food and babies them like their mother, but acts like a slut in the bed. In my opinion a lot of Iranian men open themselves up to Gold-diggers but I believe this is almost expected. Don’t get me wrong I loved and was loved by an Iranian man, but I personally lost part of who I was trying to fit his ideal wife. In the end my ex married an Iranian woman and I think it was the best for him, he married a woman who would know how to be a wife to an Iranian man. It bothered me a bit to see their extravagant wedding pictures but I am happy with my amazing husband.

    Reply

  56. Leeroy Says:

    I am an Australian man who has been dating a Persian lady for just over two months. We are both in our late 40s, divorced with 2 children each. From our first meeting I was overwhelmed by her style, intelligence, sense of fun and her values – and of course her exotic beauty, wow! I had a strong sense there was a high level of mutual attraction. I knew in my heart that we would be together. We began dating on a weekly basis and i began to learn about Persian culture and she was always very positive anytime I could demonstrate a new Farsi word learned or some other aspect of the culture.

    Anytime we were together she was so attentive to me and very passionate – I quickly fell under her spell! Once she felt comfortable that our relationship was strong, she began to introduce me to her family – first one son and then the other and finally her sister and her mother. I felt so honoured to be welcomed by her family, but I really felt like I was being heavily scrutinised, almost like a job interview! But I think she was even more nervous than me, especially when it came to meeting her mum!

    Compared to women of the western culture I find her to be an excellent communicator and almost businesslike when it comes to discussing our relationship, for example a week or two before we first made love, she asked me frankly if I was attracted to her physically and if I wanted to have sex with her? Of course I hastily replied in the positive!!

    She often talks to me of her hopes for our future together, but also expresses reservations with regard to the cultural divide and the language barrier especially when we begin to socialise more broadly within her circle of Persian friends as a couple.

    So far I have not seen any evidence from her to suggest that she is a gold digger or any other negative aspects expressed in the posts above, in fact despite raising two boys almost singlehandedly she has two uni degrees and has acquired an impressive property portfolio! She is amazing!

    I really feel like the luckiest man alive to be with her, I am devoted to her and we share a commitment to maintaining an honest and truthful relationship together built on trust and mutual respect. We both acknowledge that there will be challenges to overcome, but what more could an honest, red blooded Aussie man ask for?

    Reply

  57. France's Says:

    Wow! Thank you so much for that eloquent writing.

    I am a nurse. I am American. I have dated a Persian doctor for the last 4 years. I was so in love with him. I thought the world of him. I could not even think of looking at someone else I just loved him so much. I have spent the last four years completely bewildered, confused and baffled. Yet strongly attached to this man. In the end I think every interaction was a lie or a manipulation.

    It took me four years to realize he was a crazy psychopath. He told me he was married after 2 years of spending a lot of time together. I got a new job to get away. I was was devastated. The job was a fiasco so I ended up part time at the hospital where he worked. When that happened I was dumbfounded. Then I would have to see him and our attraction was so strong. He was my best friend and in an instant he changed towards me. Then he did get his own place. I thought maybe we had a chance. But he then took it upon himself to sleep with whoever he could. And the sad part is I think he always did and I just couldn’t see it.

    He had an excuse for everything. You could never ger a straight answer from him. He lied continuously . And he took pleasure in hurting me. But he waited to start doing this until I was in good and deep and really loved and trusted him.

    It all sounds so stupid. But the trickery and games were played in such a way I just didn’t have a chance. I was completely ill prepared to deal with something like this.

    When it was good it was wonderful. We talked. Or he talked. We danced. We got along so easily. He saw the world so differently . Loved sex.

    It has taken me 4 years to start to understand what I was dealing with. This man broke my heart. Shattered me. And what was I to him?

    I come from a good family. I have worked my whole life to raise my sons alone. I am a dedicated nurse. I am devoted to my family and friends. And I loved this man that just played me like a fool. I was like a sitting duck. Or a slow child. How could I love someone that felt nothing for me. It is so bad and sleezy gross I just can’t believe it.

    I am trying to put my life together. I have left the hospital where he works. That was hell. He would flirt with the other nurses in front of me. Then he would stay at the nurses station for hours. It was so f…ing brutal.

    I forced myself to stop seeing him even though in my body I still missed him. I have been mourning and sad about him until 2 weeks ago he texted me “where are you” when he meant it for someone else. I guess I needed that to start to see who he really is.

    At the hospital every day you see people so sick and close to death it makes me really try to realize what is truly important in life. Family, friends our relationships with other people. It just blows my mind that he could have such disregard and detachment and coldness towards me. We have spent so much time together in what I thought was as friends- as lovers. But for him I think all that talking was just to get laid. And it took me 4 years to figure this out!!!

    This man took my peace, broke my heart, deceived me continuously, lied to me cheated on me and was the cheapest stingiest man with money even though he was a terrible workaholic.

    I would like to thank the other women that wrote. What in insight. What a help.

    Thank god I am a strong American woman. God help me to recover from this.

    All the best. Thank you all.

    If there are any words of wisdom or encouragement please email to justine13nichols@yahoo.com

    Reply

  58. Sarah Says:

    Dont date persian guys! Once they got you in their bed, THey will leave you. As in their eyes you were easy, they considered you as trash. YOu must try to get respect from them! They only want sex. They will always marry a girl from their own country at the end. So dont let them play with you. You are worth more girls!!

    Reply

  59. ayen Says:

    Im a filipina girl and I met an Iranian boy last november 2012 here in phiilippines..We still see each other until now..He told me he just want us as friends, Friends with Benefits..since i was a broken that time i agreed as friends only,every time we see each other, we end up in bed.He always invite me to his apartment, He is kind, very accommodating, but the only thing is I feel like im going to fall in love with him..I delete his number so that I can text to him anymore, but he is the one who initiate to text me! we have constant communication because he always message me.. I know he is just having fun with me, once i read a message in his phone from many girls who wants to meet him..”Saying sorry i cant meet u tonight because i have something to do, but the truth is he is with me!! What should i do??Would I still see him or Would i tell him that i need to get away from him because i was falling to him!!

    Reply

    • sunshine` Says:

      been with two persians, first persian guy I’ve met was charming, handsome and an amazing dancer and a pharmacy student.At that time, I was still brooding after my ex. WE were casual lovers, and soon stopped having contact. although, i almost fell for him. He stopped contact after he told me i love you. and i said i love you back. What a douchebag!

      The second one I met via friends, We have been seeing each other for over 8 months now. and has been the sweetest, generous lover I’ve ever met. already falling for him. Cooks me dinner, bought me a bday present, and serves the best iranian tea! although, I’m really falling for this guy, but really unsure where our relationship stands.

      @ayen, i think it’s harder for them to commit to non-persian no matter what, their families would always want a persian wife for them. and studying here in the philippines should be their main focus and not be sidetracked by women esp non persians.

      Reply

      • ayen Says:

        maybe you are right..sunshine..until now..he never said i love you..were together for 5mos..he keeps saying..i am important in his life..that i am the best person he had meet..that he miss me..etc..sweet words are always there..except “love” .now he is in iran coz he never been there since 2008..just a visit coz he sais he is going to finish his dentistry here in philippines..sometimes he message me…if he had time..!!
        thanks for the reply :)

        Reply

    • lonely girl Says:

      Omg the situation just like me and now it hurting me when I fall in love with this Iranian guy.I should to tell him but now he seem won’t to see me again.I’m really hurt please someone over here can anyone give me some advice :(

      Reply

  60. Liz Says:

    I am a hispanic woman, I was recently was dating a PERSIAN/IRAN man, living here in the USA, since 17 yrs where he did schooling at Ohio. The thing is I met him on a online site, where he has been on and off from the site and was there for yrs. So, we met and I was not really into him bcoz that time, I just ended a on-yr relation. So, which he noticed that I was not into him, so he called and invited for dinner at his apt, it was the 31st of Dec which I did and we talked and left early before the coming year. Then he called me afterwards and told him I was not interested in having to do with nobody, so he asked me if I had friends which I can introduced to him and I did introduced one, but they went out then he asked her to go to his apartment which she did not like and he keep calling her and asking her questions about her boyfriend, that she had and ended up with her boyfriend. So, she called me and said, that she didn’t like the way he is of controlling and asking to much. So, she let him go on the third day. Then he called me complaining about her and bad things he said about her which I didn’t like at all and he was talking very aggressive. So we just kept as friends on texting and calling so the day came in when he invited me for dinner and I did. Then he one day I rememeber very well he asked me where I was going to invite him and I told him any place, I thought it was a joke like he said things to me in joking. Sure of enough he said I had to pay bcoz hardly all the ladies he dated payed for him, so I said to him not my style and I never pay for dinners to no guy when am going out with him(CHEAP BRAND PERSON.So, we got into an arguement then I stopped talking to him then he would text and said like anything had happened, so I would fall again. So to top it off, i keep on seeing him and keep on going to his apartment which I had to drive to get there bcoz he is not a GENTLEMAN, to come up in pick up a lady!! I did liked him a lot, but I knew it from my heart that it was not working at all, different cultures and he has a BAD TEMPER. So, we had good sex but never he would asked me to stayed overnight, which he said he never had anybody. He is a clean-freaked also. So I bypass all, til one day he invited for dinner at his apartment, he never likes to go and eat, but evenentually I did made him do that for somewhile. So, that night I came over, he was talking on his cell phone to which is very inappropiate to invite someone and just leave that person there(NO MANNERS!!. So I sit and was watching TV, meanwhile he kept on talking on the phone til I got up and said, AM LEAVING, then he got mad and told that lady bye. So, he pulled me from my arm and sit again and I start crying. I did sit down, then I said to him that, it is not appropiate for me to come and all the time on his cell phone. So, he got mad at me and said, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY APARTMENT.” So, I stood up and tried to open the door which griped my hand and said no, so I sit again and said to me, “He was very sorry and gave me a hug. So, we went out and got something to eat and came back and had sex. I do regret so much. So, next day I told my friend about him which she never liked him at all!! she told me to stay away from them, that they liked to controll their own women and have it on their own blood. She got mad what he did to me, and said you should called the 911. So the thing he has PSYCO PROBLEMS ISSUE AND TEMPER, which he really does. So, recently I let go of him that I will not be with him that I am seeing another person which I am. He nevered mention nothing about serious relationship or getting together to live in. He is handsome, very proffessional man, has everything, but very STINGY, CHEAP! The thing is I can’t get rid of him even I told him that am dating someone else, he keeps texting and says that AM his best friend, OMG!! Even he told me if am not doing sex with the other guy, and if I get horney to come over his apartment OMG! he is not a man!! He is a animal!!

    Reply

  61. Jane Says:

    I want to comment on the above. I am a white beautiful canadian woman whose family has been here in canada for 400 years. I met an iranian man when i was 25 and we fell in love. We were together for 11 years. I had a sickness in my family so I left to be with my family who was 2000 miles east. I returned and I was too sad in vancouver. I ended up leaving him. It was a huge mistake. He dated a few times and married a chinese woman from peru. They are both wealthy now. I never thought he would fall for a c hinese woman. I know that he said he would never ever marry an iranian woman. He had turned down alot of them. I also know he has a friend from iran who married a malaysian woman and they were very happy together. Love is love so I dont believe that an iranian has to marry an iranian. Also if someone lives in a western country they dont want a stupid woman from the old country that they have to bab ysit who will set them back as they are not in western culture.

    Reply

  62. Eva Says:

    Why would any american or latin women want to date an iranian? Considering the way they treat women in their country

    Reply

    • Jen Says:

      Uhhh, cause Persian Iranian guys are freaking hot as hell and they actually treat women with respect and protect them, unlike American “men”.

      Reply

  63. MohseN Says:

    خیلی خوبس ادامه بدید :) :-*

    Reply

  64. Pinay Proud Says:

    gosh i can relate to you guys.all u said about persian guys are true…i had a relationship with a persian before whos studying dentistry here in the philippines at first i thought he is the one,he is sweet romantic and all that.but my relationship with him was A BIG LIE! To all gilrs out there NEver ever date with a persian guy plssss!

    Reply

  65. mercyforlove Says:

    Hello my dear
    My name is miss mercy i saw your profile today and become interested in you i will like you to send to me mail to my email address so that i will send my picture to you to know me more
    My EMAIL IS (mercybabykones@yahoo.com) please i am waiting for your reply.
    yours in love,
    Mercy Kones

    Reply

  66. Jen Says:

    Like most American and western women, you girls don’t know whether to act like woman or men. Feminism, materialism and American ignorance plus decadence has ruined your racist brains.

    Iranian/Persian men are amazing. I’ve dated 3 of them and they have been freaking awesome. My friends also dating one that I introduced to her through my bf.

    Btw, There are so many Iranian men married to American and foreign woman in california that its crazy. Around like 70% of the Persian immigrants to the west and specifically america are male, so they have to marry foreigners and have no problems with it really.

    Don’t listen to the racists on this site. As long as you respect yourself, Persian men will respect you too.

    Reply

  67. mary Says:

    Hi ladies. Its so interesting to read your posts.
    There is an iranian man that im really interested in. We are just breif acquaintances but I would like to make it something more. Can anyone give me so e good advice on how to aproach him. And also what iranian men in general look for in a women .
    Thanks

    Reply

  68. Happy Latin Woman Says:

    I’m a Mexican woman and I am married to Persian man a have teo sonderl kids with him. He is a great husband and father. Not all Persian men are the sAme. Justlike white men, there are a lot of players out there, you just have to find the right one. He is not Muslim but is very traditional other wise. Both our parents get a long with no problem. I really think it worked out with us because his family does not have the strict rule that they have to marry within there race.

    Reply

  69. ali Says:

    First time to be here and read ALL POSTED TEXT!

    I am an Iranian/Persian single male in mid 30s born in Iran and live in US for 8 yars. I don’t like to cover our horrible attitude as most of the posts here are reality that our people should heard about it back and fourth.
    I found couple of these posts generalized and tempting to bit racist! I like consider that there are some reason for not have a last long relationship with Persian male:
    1- You are nice women who tries to be for them but they want more and more, it’s seems endless when you obey , so try to stop obeying them and let them make a step toward you.
    2- most Persian men are grown up with restriction in Iran and the time they move to another country they abuse liberality by dating and making love with different girls. They end up with Persian women since they believe they can control them in any way.
    3- We care about people’s talk and their gossip much more than you thought!
    4- As I found some of these post a little bit racist to Persian culture which is high value in many aspect , I should indicate that we are racist some how as well
    5- Culture and religion is a big obstacle as an example you can see in far east girls from India are barely develop feelings to foreigners even in US. Traditions in middle and far east is very different and we do have all this background in our thought

    I love my Persian culture but simultaneously try to optimize our values , if when found them not workable these days try to think about it. There isn’t any other way except new immigrant Persian generation try to improve our values and learn from other cultures.

    I am open to more discussion just to know more about us.

    Thanks
    Ali

    Reply

    • lonely girl Says:

      Not all Iranian are bad some are good but only this guy are make me confusing like life try to make a joke for me because last year I rejected a few Iranian guy who wanna be my bf but now I fall I love with one guy out of my taste because of his personality I know many good looking face he is just cute for me but I can fall in love with him but he never said anything to me at all great lesson for me !

      Reply

  70. Kris Says:

    Hi Ali, I’m a Filipina. But I have a half blood (american and spanish). So I don’t look like a Filipina. Maybe that’s why an Iranian guy near our school who’s a student also likes me. We’re happy together in his house. He introduces me with his friends and cousins when they go to his house. My problem now is, I’m falling in love with him. He does not believe in me when I say that I like him because he knows that I’m boyish in my actions but he said that he really likes me because I’m so generous to him. I cook for him. I make effort for him. He do also effort by buying me foods when there’s nothing to cook in his refrigerator. He’s sweet even in front of his friends but I am not sweet hehe, I just let him be. He is not texting me. He will only text me like this “how r u?” “wer r u?’ but when I tell that to his cousin, he said that that’s really how he communicate but it doesn’t mean that he does not care (he showed me a proof that he’s really like that even with him as his cousin) oh, by the way. He and his cousin were models here in the Philippines. and they say that i’m very lucky to know them and there are millions of girls whose behind me. haha. Can you give me an advice to make it better? if it will go for better or maybe for worse :) ) I’d appreciate your advice :D

    Reply

    • ali Says:

      Hi Kris

      You mentioned he cares about you but does he love you or he likes you as you expect? It’s should be very important to him that he is a model. When he told you millions of girls are behind him means that he likes to be with others or at least experience some how. I scared that he wants to use you and and then leave you! Be yourself with high confidence and DON’T SHOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM, it’s the key that don’t fall for him.
      Please be careful for making a long term relationship since he is not ready yet

      Reply

  71. lonely girl Says:

    I wanna try dated a new guy on 2014 I think I’m about go forget this same guy now..he really broke my heart.i still can’t throw my feeling now.

    Reply

  72. April Says:

    Hi,

    I am an American woman 44 yr.old and I am starting to date an Iranian man who is from Iran but raised in the UK and is a US citizen for over 15 years. He is incredibly nice and very kind and respectful. However he is very forward and persistent which I’m not used to but I accept that he is from another culture. He isalso just so sweet, very intelligent, and just really an amazing guy. I know there are a lot of stereotypes about every culture etc but I tend to believe in really getting to know the person first. I do want to say that he seems tobe very exclusive and extremely masculine but I really enjoy this about him. I am also quite touched by his respectfulness.

    Reply

  73. Javad Says:

    Pure evil !!!!!???? =)))) how much racist you are. Shame on you Lisa

    Reply

  74. Javad Says:

    Most of partial comments are based on personal experiences, all relationships not gonna become an eternal matrimony dears. WAKE UP PLEASE
    if you have been broken in a relationship with a Persian guy so look at your own life again and remember all of your relationships and dates were perfect except with this Iranian guy? Most of you broken in a Relationship with a Persian but surely more than once with your own compatriot. And it was hard for you broken in this especial case because you were in love or that man was perfect and noble, kind, handsome and gentle and you didn’t want to loose him/her and unfortunately this happened so you are angry and sad and you became a racist. Broken in a relation with a compatriot are easy and most common but these cases are not common and these things made you a racist. shame on you racists

    And you Iranian guys, wake up please you are gonna be quite with this insults???? Iranian girls are so much pretty, smart and kind and as it obvious from these comments Iranian boys are too kind, gentle, hard worker, handsome so what’s wrong with you bros and sisters ? why you are looking for the others?

    I am not racist and I love all nations but these insults are disgusting, why a foreign person who doesn’t know us even a little things about our traditions, our great culture has a right to insult us? Most of things that they told about us make me laugh. Those were silly.

    Proud of being Iranian.
    Good luck

    Reply

  75. mary Says:

    Girl, date Chinese or American. They are super nice and they respect women and they are not pretending!!

    Reply

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