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You’re probably single, if not most of your friends are! This is where we’re going to continue our never ending discussion about Dating Iranian Americans/Canadians/Diasporans. Feel free to add any issue you think we may have missed.
Just to give brief threads on what we discussed, we had the following:
-So many singles in the US and Iran and Iranian Americans are no exception.
-Iranian Parents Differentiation between how much freedom their sons have vs. daughters
-Should we have Standard Rules of Dating?
-Online Dating Sites
What we didn’t get to cover:
-Is there anything wrong with dating your friend’s Ex?
-What is the consensus among Iranicans about “TORSHIDEH” girls not getting married?
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July 31st, 2008 at 3:51pm
I have just gotten into this show about two months ago and have really come to enjoy it and look forward to it every other week. I think every single topic that is discussed is something that is constantly on the minds of myself and my other Iranian friends. We are constantly having these discussions amongst ourselves but its nice to finally have them voiced on radio.
I particularly really enjoyed this show because it was a nice issue to talk about and it was very true!
I’m going to transition to a little bit of Farsi if that’s okay.
I was born in America and have lived in the bay area since I’ve been born. I’m half Iranian and half Afghan, but according to everyone and even in the eyes of myself I seem to be a lot more Iranian ( not that I have shame to being Afghan at all, I love it more than I can explain, but just saying.) I’m eighteen years old going to be nineteen in just a few short months and I am a sophomore at UC Davis. I have visited Iran countless times and its very often my highlight of the year. Anyways, with that being said just wanted to give a little bit of background, I genuinely wanted to comment on this show.
I, myself, am very susceptible to the double standards that Iranian parents place upon their daughters. I have a younger brother, who is a whole five years younger than me yet he is already recieving much more leniency than I ever recieved at his age. My parents already know that he has had about two girlfriends and they are not at all okay with me even ” thinking” about having a boyfriend. It always really bugs me. I have never disobeyed them let alone done anything that according to them would ” put their pride down or make them look bad in the Iranian community” and yet they refuse to even give me a little bit of trust. The sad truth is, that the more restrictions placed upon me the more I go against them and finally college gave me some freedom to act on my own wishes. The only thing is, they do not realize that they have given me enough guidelines my whole life that even at college I know what is right and wrong for myself and I know how to act to keep up their pride. I do care about my parents a lot, but these confinements are too ridiculous.
I also have seen on my many recent visits to Iran that the populatino there generally seems to have many more couples than the Iranian community here. I attribute this to the fact that everyone is of one race there. Its much easier to find your respective other when there are 14 million ( in the case of Tehran only) other people in the same city as you that are just like you. That is of course not counting those who are married and the children and elderely but nonetheless its easier to find someone when there are a lot more people your race. It goes back to I think race and culture playing a key role in how someone picks their respective other. I mean there are plenty of Latin American, African American, Chinese American people here who could serve as singles for the Iranian American community but even those communities like to stay in their own community. Its easier when someone of the same language, culture, and most often religion is surrounding you because it gives much more common ground to relate on.
I, myself, am very cultural. I was just raised around a lot of family and involved in a lot of cultural things growing up like attending Farsi school, doing persian dance and all that stuff that for me dating someone who is not Iranian just would not work. Its not that I have anything against other races its just that I would not relate to them on the same levels and I would like someone to speak Farsi with and be able to share Iranian poetry with. With that being said, I find it very hard to find eligilble Iranian men around my age because they are too often very stuck up it seems. The guys, however, say that the the Iranian girls are too high-maintenance and expect too much. I could say that’s true for some of the girls but it doesn’t necessarily apply to all of them. I know the typical response to this would be that ” it doesn’t apply to all of the guys either,” but I have enough Iranian guy friends and know plenty of Iranian guys who prove that Iranian guys have too much ego. I always just wonder WHERE they get it from!? My friends always joke that its because their mother’s baby them for too long, which could be true, but its hard to meet any Irani guy when they never make the first move. Iranian guys almost always ( unless you are a slut looking like you are good for a one night stand) wait for the girl to make the move. Well obviously, girls have to have some ” sharm” and they are not going to necessarily be the one to make the first move, but I often have made that first move and its only come back to make it worse. The guys generally do not seem to like it when I make the first move and instead they get turned off and once again settle for the ” hot chick.” Its acutally really frustrating coming from the perspective of a young eligible single Iranian girl. Most often when I complain to my aunts and other friends they just say that I’m really ” innocent” and that the guys my age are just having their run with girls now so its better that I stay away, but that when they are done with their run and want to get married they will come to girls like me. That really pisses me off, because its pretty true, but also because I find it so hard to believe that every guy is like that and that none of the Iranian guys want to actually settle and have a normal relationship with a girl. Its also because generally I have found this behavior with Iranian guys not guys in general. American guys or Mexican guys, for example, actually do settle into relationships and stay with them but Iranian guys do not!
Anyways, my point is that a lot of double standards are present in the Iranian culture and that as long as these remain guys will treat girls the same way. It just seems hard to find a guy that is decent and wants a genuine relationship.
Thank you!
August 7th, 2008 at 8:34am
=S how odd!!
i live in sweden, and swedish guys are sweet, but iranians here are soo sweet aswell. the majority of my friends have long lasting or have had, relationships with iranians. and here the latinos are much more players… soo strange that its so diffrent =S
September 14th, 2008 at 12:15pm
Hello! Im a mexican girl and i met this iranian guy while i was studying in Canada. Im so in love, like never before, hes the best guy ive met before. He is so nice with me, intelligent, we have so much fun together. I had to come back to MExico and we are still boyfriend and girlfriend even though we are far. I just got here to Mexico 2 weeks ago, and he is applying for a work permit for me so i can go back to Canada. Im willing to go, but im wondering about many things. Ive read alot about his religion, and many people are telling me i shouldnt go back, that i must stop this realationship. He hasnt introduced me to his family, i just know his brother, and his auncle, but i dont know his parents. He tells me his mother is so religous and she has this persian girl she wants him to marry to, but he says he doesnt want to, that he wants to choose his own wife. But even though he is saying he will fight for us, and he has his own beliefs he hasnt talk about me with his mom, which means something. I dont know if he just wants me to have fun before he marries a persian girl, he says he wants to marry me but after all i have read and being told, i think thats so impossible but he doesnt accept it and neither do i, deep inside me i know this is not going to work but im still talking to him and planning my trip back to Canada. Please i need some advice if i should stop this before this gets worse, because if i go back it will get harder when the relationship has to stop because of his cultural or familiar ties. I dont know what to tell him if i decide to break off because i dont want him to think that im not willing to fight for us, i would be leaving my home, my family for him and i dont know if he is willingo to do the same thing for me. HELP!!
November 27th, 2008 at 4:54am
Claudia, honey, u should stop the relarionship I think, this is an advice from a persian girl ! usually, 4 some reason, persian guys end up divorcing their non-persian wives. honey the culture is so different….but i mean ive seen a coupla guys with hispanic wives, n their still 2gether…
January 23rd, 2009 at 8:46am
I need some advice/opinions….. I’m currently dating a Persian guy, have been for the past 6 months….we are the same age (mid 30’s), I am divorced with kids, he has never been married and doesn’t have kids. I am Canadian (with English background) Blonde, curvy…. We have such good times together when we go out, which is usually twice a week. He is a business owner and very busy, a workaholic almost….he is an extremely good looking guy….and treats me like a Queen when we are together, he has more passion and sensuality than any other man I have ever met! People have actually come up to us out of the blue and commented on how good we look together and how it shows how much we are into each other…. ANYWAY, I have never been to his house, he has been to mine several times, he says he lives alone and the reason he doesn’t want me to come there is because of “gossip” he lives in a very densely populated Persian area and has been the topic of gossip in the past and it hurts his parents to hear negative things about him, apparently the Persian girls in his neighbourhood take great pleasure in informing his family of his “girl friends” especially the non-Persian ones.. I have met two of his brothers, who were very nice to me, but I wonder if I’m only a “fling” or if there will ever be more….he is very closed when it comes to talking about himself and his feelings, I know a lot about his past and his past relationships but I really don’t know HIM yet as much as I would like, is this a normal thing with Iranian or Persian men? He tells me how beautiful I am and how he loves being with me but never shares about himself and his feelings…..am I being played or just paranoid?
March 23rd, 2009 at 8:23am
I personally will only date Iranian Women.
May 9th, 2009 at 10:06pm
TO PAMALA:
His just playing with you!…Iranian Man physically use “none virgin woman” to practice before they marry A VIRGIN iranian woman (even if they think they are, (some iranina woman get surgery to look virgin again)Stupid MAN). Anyway dear, YOU GO TO HIS HOUSE AND SURPRISE HIM WITH something, like I forgot my office key in your car and I had to come over to pick em up)Now, If he lives with realtives, he will probably deny the relationship and call you FRIEND…. Iranian man, never marry older woman or same age woman, they usually like 20 to 15 year old younger and VIRGIN…a must… So, stop dreaming, and get as much as you can out of him, like a car, expensive gift (They are usually don’t like to spend money on ladies). Don’t waste you time, date anything but an Iranian or Persian Iranian. They like mexicans with black hair and black eyes and long legs with big you know what, because it reminds them of Iranian Woman. He will eventually go back to Iran and marry and Iranian woman, comeback to America and still date you untill his WIFE learns what he wants in Bed. Then, he will dump you, like a nothing, because right now, you are a nothing to him..he wants to use your allready use body…anytime he wants….REMEMBER IRANIAN MAN HAVE A HIGH I.Q. and want the best for themselves. Now, If you were a Dr. and at least 10 years younger then him, then you would probably had a better chance at marriage, but still he will think about it twice…because you are not an Iranian. Iranian man have a strong bond to their mother’s because they consider their mother’s “pure and virgins” and they are looking for the same…..I’m sorry, but this just the truth. I don’t want you to suffer, you are a mother and need to protect yourselve from this WOMAN HUNTER…Your children deserve better…don’t let them down…MOVE ON…Choose American Made…They will probably marry you and truly love you…not this guy…
Take care..of yourselve and your family…They are the most important individuals in your life…LET THIS GUY USE SOMEONE ELSE, NOT YOU.ACT SMART DUMP HIM..NOW.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:25pm
Dear Claudia,
Thank you for you comment. It is truly an interesting situation and I can see how hard it can be. Let me first tell you that here at Iranican, we only hold discussion panels regarding issues other Iranians deal with in their lives here in America, and none of us are professional in the fields of our topics. So I can give you my opinion and some suggestions, and I can also try to shed some light on how the Iranian family dynamic works, but in the end is your decision and none of what I say here is necessarily true in every case.
I myself have been raised in a religious family, and I can tell you that that idea of arranged marriage has pretty much gone extinct among younger generation of Iranians. As much as some parents like to make their children marry someone they see fit, it rarely happens because fortunately our culture has passed that stage and it is ultimately the person’s own decision that matters. And as far as religion is concerned and his religious family, that could be a source of problems depending on how independent he is. If you have been with him long enough to know his own religious beliefs and they don’t bother you, then there is a good chance that religion will not be a negative factor. I would highly suggest that you do study about Islam (I’m guessing that his religion) in depth, and if you have fundamental problems and cannot accept it then you may want to rethink the idea of staying with him. But don’t read just anything, and more importantly don’t believe what people tell you, try to draw your own conclusions. I can suggest a few good books if you want.
The fact that he has traveled to Canada for education, tells me he is pretty independent, and the fact that he is trying to get a work permit for you so you can go back, tells me he is not looking to have fun and marry the Persian girl in the end. He can easily have as much fun as he wants over there without going through the trouble of moving you back to Canada.
Again all of these are my personal view on the case you have presented in the blog. Hope it helps.
Best regards,
Iman
P.S. Did you actually listen to the radio show podcast on Dating Iranican Style? If so how much of it did you understand?
May 19th, 2009 at 5:30pm
Someone should tell Claudia the cold hard truth. this guy wants her as a sex buddy and someone to have a good times with until his parents find him a nice virgin girl from Iran.
That’s why he hasn’t even mentioned her to them. Someone should warn the poor girl not to leave her family and life in Mexico and go after this guy in Canada. I am saying this as an Iranian guy who has many Iranian guy friends…
May 19th, 2009 at 5:36pm
Hi Claudia,
It sounds like you feel happy to have found a great guy, but that you
are unsure about what to do next. Trust yourself. If you have
concerns about your relationship, they exist for a reason. It may be
helpful to check in with yourself about this and take some time to
reflect on your beliefs about relationships. How much should you
sacrifice for love? What do you have the right to expect from your
partner in return for these sacrifices? Also, Claudia, I’m curious to
know why you’d come to the Iranican website for support. While
Iranican attempts to bring the views of young Iranians to the public,
it is important to recognize the endless amount of diversity and
variation in the cultural understandings and practices that each
Iranian chooses for himself or herself. This is why it is
particularly important that you talk to your boyfriend about what you
both want to do. An open conversation about your needs and
expectations as well as the effect that this choice is going to have
on both your lives may make your final decision much clearer. Thank
you for contacting us and please feel welcome to write back.
May 19th, 2009 at 5:38pm
GN,
Wow buddy, that’s pretty harsh!!! You really think this guy would run after getting her work permit in Canada, just to use her? I mean I’m sure there are many other local options to pick from and fool around with in Canada! It’s not like there’s shortage of girls…
Also your notion of “Iranian Guy” doesn’t really apply to everyone! In fact it could be offensive to those who are not in such categories.
August 9th, 2009 at 10:02pm
To Claudia,
you should go with what you heart is telling you.. Im Hispanic and I use to date a Persian guy for about 1 year in a half. He is a great guy till this day we still keep In contact. Even tho we are no longer together.Are relationship ended because of the long distance.I never met this mother & I don’t think she never knew about me only his brothers,sister and uncle.there was apoint in our relationship that he asked me to move In with him. But I couldn’t I wanted to leave my house the right way. Cause that was the way my parent raised us. Till this day I still ask my self what would of happened if I where to have moved in with him to another state. I still care for him and I beleave that if we where meant to be then some day we will be together.I truly hope that he mans up and tells his family aswell for you. I wish you and your guy the best.
January 16th, 2010 at 9:18am
I am a Filipina and I dated Iranian guys (2) but not at the same time. Both are dentistry students. Both relationship didn’t last
The recent Iranian guy i had relationship only lasted for 12 days. When he was courting me, he’s very sweet. He always check me and ask to me to go out with him. When we decided to be together i thought this Iranian guy is different from the first Iranian ex-boyfriend i met before. I thought he’s better.
The days have gone by, he became busy with his studies. He told me to understand his time so i agreed with it. Even if he wouldn’t text me for 2 days. One day i found out that he’s cheating on me. He dated this other Filipina girl who’s studying at his school. He told me the truth and asked for forgiveness. And because i am so in love with him, i got him back. Then we found ourselves always arguing with the same reasons:
- He might seeing other girls again.
- I don’t trust him anymore
- I always ask his whereabouts
Right after my birthday he broke up with me. He told me he’s tired of our relationship. He also told me that i am too good for him. He told me that we can’t change for each other. And he also told me that he realized we’re not compatible. I plead and ask for chance but he refuse. He doesn’t want me back.
I thought my life would be over until such time i got over him. And then he texted me on New Year’s Eve but i replied to him 2 days after. He told me he waited for my text. He asked me if i still think about him and i thought he wants to try our relationship work for the 2nd time. We decided to meet on the same bar where we first met. In there, he made me look like sh*t. He made me jealous. He started to flirt and dance with another girl while i was alone. I thought it would be a good moment for us but i guess i was wrong again.
I really didn’t get his attitude. I mean, HE ALREADY WON OVER ME. He’s the one who broke up. He’s the one who don’t want to work our relationship. He’s the one who cheated. And then he would ask me out and made me feel like a fool. WHAT’S UP WITH IRANIAN GUYS?!
February 26th, 2010 at 8:43am
Claudia,
You should follow your instincts and just proceed with caution. Indeed it is long distance and it is hard to understand whether things are fishy or if this man really wants to be with you it is hard to draw conclusions, unless you take action to be straight forward.
I think you need to take it upon yourself to have a serious conversation with him before you make any moves to go back to Canada, and tell him he needs to bring the rest of his family into this and that you will not go unless his family at least gives you guys the blessing. Otherwise, trust me, you will never feel happy or comfortable in this situation, no matter how much you love him.
I’ve had to leave situations that were hard before as well, but life is never easy, and it is full of hard decisions, but you must stand your ground. Proceed with caution and be assertive. If he can’t be straightforward and keeps beating around the bush, ask him why, if he can’t explain why, you know he is trying to hide something and he is no good.
Hope that helps.
February 26th, 2010 at 8:46am
I’m actually Hispanic and I hit it off with an Iranian guy the other day really well too. I’ve never met anyone I liked that much from the get go, nor whose culture was as similar as mine. Our family as immigrants, we shared that in common as well. Is it common for Iranian men to be attracted to hispanic women? lol and vice versa. This is the first Iranian I’ve ever met really as strange as that may sound.
May 4th, 2010 at 1:11am
I agree with what another lady was saying about Persian men using non-Persian women until they find a persian woman to marry.
We White American girls do the same thing to foreigner men. We use them for the sex and fun but when it is time to get married we chose a white man.
May 4th, 2010 at 3:01am
american girl.. baby, what’s your number? I think we would get along quite well.
June 4th, 2010 at 3:23am
Hi,
Just like Ian, I am a filipina also and is seeing an Iranian guy. Something happened between us. He is also a dentistry student and its my first time be involved in a foreign guy. I myself is confuse of our relationship. Though he would text me once in awhile but he never did bother to ask for my landline number. Our means of communication is via text only. we see each other once a week. I am in a dilemma right now cause I am not sure if he is really serious about me.
Its so different being in a relationship with him. Everytime i would open up my feelings, he will just shut me off. And he doesn’t want drama in life. I don’t know if I really mean a thing to him. I don’t know if he really cares for me. I am worried that he is just after sex (after reading all your comments). I was never after his money. And he knows it. He even told me that he can’t find a girl to trust because they were just after his money. And that i am different.
I really dont know what to believe anymore. I am confuse right now. I dont know if I should continue seeing him. I haven’t caught him cheating. Though there are times im kinda doubtful of him. I have fallen for him already.
The worse part is, he told me that he cannot marry a foreigner. Its in their culture to marry persian women. But he told that to me after i have put my trust in him. I became so suspicious which he told me but is being patient with my attitude. I’m afraid that one day he would also tell me that i am too good for me. The way the Iranian did to you. I know I have to let him go the fact that he cannot be with me. But i dont know how to do it anymore. I have fallen for him.
June 5th, 2010 at 11:22pm
i’ve dated a Persian man who iniitally was very charming but ended up a cheater,liar, cheap & not very good looking. I found out he was married to an american but
continued to see him, very bad decision. I ended up getting pregnant, having a miscarriage & when I told him he didn’t give a shit. I learned my lesson, married a nice american & had a child. I wouldn’t recommend american women to go near a
Persian unless you like pain & suffering
June 12th, 2010 at 1:36pm
hi pris @ ian! i can relate regarding ur issues abt persian guys..i think we have d
same situations dating persian guy who happens to be a dentist as well here in our
country..iv dated a persian dentist guy for a month ago..we had a great time
together like lovers do..he make me feel spaecial and alwys says m d best girl hed
ever met dat m beutifull blah bla..and d worst thing happen he jz went away go back
to his country without saying goodbye..his bro jz told me dat der mom has arrange a
mariage for him in der country..maybe i do fall for him bcz i cried almost everyday
for hiss loss as wat his bro sed he ddint want to tell me cz he knew i will be sad
and is difficult for him to tell it to me..iv been trying to forget abt him now.but
i do have a lot of questions why did he do dat to me??
June 15th, 2010 at 11:23pm
Hi chelsea
I know how you’re feeling right now. But as much as it hurts, the truth is we have to move on. The truth is, persian men cannot marry foreigners. I have a persian friend who told me that.
You can send me an email if you need help. Maybe we can even communicate.
BTW, from what school did he go to?
Here is my email add: priscymdz@gmail.com
Hoping to hear from you soon.
June 16th, 2010 at 10:34am
hi pris! thank you for the comment u gave to me i will send u email..for now im trying to forget abt him..not to think abt him nymore..ur right we have to move on.i stil cry wenever i remember him i jz cant accept that he ddint even tried to tell me that hes leaving i would understand that..we even talk on the phone the day before he left the country if i only knew i did spend more time wd him gave my last hug and kiss or said goodbye..its already 1 month now that he didnt try to contact me or wat ..his bro said that its ok for him that im mad at him …
June 25th, 2010 at 12:49am
I’m an Iranian/Persian and I only stick to my own now a days, though I did have some American and hispanic girlfriends in the past, but that was before I truly started to become more interested into my own culture. I find that if someone shares the same culture, mentality, values, then the marriage will last longer, and in a healthier state too, obviously.
I don’t know, I just don’t see American girls as marriage material, and many of my foreign non-Iranian friends have the same view, I mean the average American marraige does last less than 10 years. Not to generalize, I know not all American girls are self-obsorbed and lack commitment, but sadly most I met from my own experience and judging by their society and the culture/menmtality that their media encourages, most diffenetly are like this.
June 25th, 2010 at 12:54am
I’m an American women married to an Iranian-Persian man, and he’s everything I could ask for. We have 2 sons, and I know tons of American women married to Iranian men and all their marriages have lasted, but I must admit, this is only the case if the marriage is based on Iranian or Persian culture.
Us Americans don’t have a good culture, and true, it’s due to our materialistic society, hence why marriage and rasing kids to most American seems like a burden.
June 25th, 2010 at 12:57am
Some of these comments and generalizations of Iranian/Persian MEN and women are very racist and ignorant.
June 25th, 2010 at 11:47am
i have a girl friend who was hit on continuously for sex by a man who claimed to be seperated…he told her she would be ideal woman for him, perfect. i think he came close twice but didnt succeed and got angry and would disappear for days. she desperately wants marriage and a family. what can i tell her to get through to her??
June 25th, 2010 at 7:44pm
I highly doubt that these women leaving negative comments about Iranian men are American, but Iranian women who are jealouse that their Persian men are being stolen away by American women in droves
June 25th, 2010 at 7:58pm
I’m American and I have worked with persians for 7 years.. A whole company full of them. I’ve seen how the persian men treat women especially American women. They’re disgusting vile abusive pigs! Everyone of them that dated American girls used them and lied to them. Making fools out of them. Calling them cruel names in farsi to their face in front of other persians knowing they didn’t know the meaning, then smile and call them bella. Creeps!
Never taking them to family functions or buying them gifts. But they lay it on think with the smooth talk and flashy clothes and cars. (you can never tell which ones have money and which ones don’t) They are handsome for sure, but I was never fooled by them. I saw too much and over heard too much. If you know farsi never tell them!
The persian women are just like Americans as far as sex goes they date and screw American men and are masters at deceit. they’re very good at covering each others back so no one finds out. I made friends with a few of them and they would share the things they did in bed with no shame at all, things no American woman I knew would ever do. The American men must have loved it.
There culture is full of hypocrisy and laced in deceit. I believe they don’t know better.
They always marry their own kind and I have never met an honest one yet. They are only here to take advantage of liberty to pervert it and throw back in our face.
Fortunately I understand farsi and documented everything I saw in journals, eventually I was able to help several women sue that company (the company would not document women’s complaints) for sexual harassment and they won!! The look on the persian men’s faces in the court room( In Iran a woman needs 2 women to equal the testimony of a man and they usually get flogged for it) was a looked I’ll never forget. I was able to say a few words and I looked them right in the eye and told them
“You may be able to treat women like dogs in Iran, but this is America, you pay for it here.”
One of them presently has a rape case pending against him in the courts and another who like to call american women (the C word) in farsi was deported back to the Islamic Republic of Iran were he came from..
Stay away from them the truth is not in them… I am sorry for any woman who tangles with a persian man as I have seen many in my 7 years, 15 at least american women demoralized, degrated and abused by them.
Good Luck
June 27th, 2010 at 8:12pm
Look guys, I don’t want to poison your minds or anything, but this is the truth from experience and observation. This post is made specifically for Iranian-American men and women who have been raised in less conservative houses where they have been allowed to have as many non-Iranian friends and whose families have mostly assimilated to American culture.
First off, most Iranian families living in the US keep their traditional culture and insist their children befriend Iranians and only Iranians. If not Iranians, then Indian, Chinese, or other Eastern friends are preferred over Americans, Blacks or Hispanics. In fact, parents monitor who the kids are friends with, and influence them daily that “they’re culture is backward and deviant” to scare kids away from developing healthy multicultural friendships. Sad fact is, kids who grow up this way are more suitable living in Iran than in America, where their social actions and attitudes often cause problems for non-Iranians.
In this respect, Iranian Men are given leniency at a younger age, and taught to marry a good Iranian woman, and are also pushed by their parents to enter Medical, Law, or Graduate School for Engineering. The kids grow up without a sense of identity or individuality, instead choosing a career that makes the most money. Iranian men are money and work obsessed. If you are an Iranian-American woman from a liberal background who is more culturally American than Iranian, please, go find yourself a nice non-Iranian. Or an Iranian that was raised with similar circumstances. Iranian men are also pride obsessed. They will boast and one-up their Iranian friends. Iranian culture is ALL ABOUT image. Further, Iranian boys are raised to have sex with as MANY non-Iranians as they want (this is similar in Arabic culture too).
What makes a man more manly in Iran? Not being straightforward, confrontational, assertive, or extroverted (American ideals). Iranian men are considered manly if they can trick one another for their personal gain- be it financially or socially. Backstabbing is not uncommon among Iranians. In fact, “zerangi” or cleverness, is celebrated and held as a high virtue- cleverness being the ability to trick someone else at their expense. Iranians are raised with sociopathic morals because this is how one survives in Iran, with its history of repressive regimes throughout the 20th century, and its greater history of authoritarian monarchic rule. What else makes a man more manly? Having lovers on the side. Iranian men are encouraged to have many lovers on the side and the wife knowingly and steadfastly puts up with this garbage. To the wife, it is indicative of her faithfulness. What a load of horsecrap. And EVERY Iranian knows exactly what I’m talking about here.
So if you are an Iranian-American, or an American woman, with liberal and Americanized ideals, DO NOT date an Iranian man unless he is raised with American ideals (this is very rare, very few Iranian families allow American ideals- many of them are divorced single parent families, or intercultural families). And most importantly, DO NOT DARE DATE an Iranian man who has moved to the US from Iran. Any Iranian from Iran to the US will largely be unable to assimilate to American culture due to the fact that:
1) Iranians view our 5,000 years of history as somehow making us and our decayed morals superior to those of Americans.
2) Iranians moving to America have been subjected to one of the worst regimes in the history of human kind, and political repression causes severe lack of morals (look at the former USSR) and psychological problems such as personality disorders of the B Cluster (psychopathy, histrionic, narcissistic, etc). In short, they learned to be that way to survive in Iran, and have been set in their ways.
NOW ONTO IRANIAN WOMEN…
I have personal experience with this. As stated, Iranian families keep their tradition and culture, along with the morals they had in Iran. While men are taught to be sexually promiscuous, distrusting, sly, and Machiavellian, Iranian women are taught from a young age to supress their emotions (such as never expressing to a guy that they love them), manipulation, lying, character assassination, and seeking men who are materially wealthy (gold-digging). Furthermore, Iranian parents are extremely overprotective of their daughters, sometimes not allowing them to date until they are 26 or 27 years old.
In my personal experience with two Iranian college women (I’m a senior in college myself), on both experiences, neither one of us truly got to know each other. I am raised with American values and my family is liberal. Thus, I’m a straightforward, call it how I see it, extroverted, fair-deal, trustworthy person. I had not yet learned about how Iranian women can be, and these two Iranians that I dated were both born in America, but raised in such a way that they only and only had Iranian friends, and were not allowed to date (found that out much later).
Both relationships started this way. I didn’t know them nor was interested in Iranian women (I like Latinas and Portuguese to be exact). They both began obsessive pursuit. The first one asked me bluntly to be her boyfriend within 40 minutes of us talking. The second one hounded all of my friends for a year and a half, dug up all information she could on me, and basically displayed a childish crush that a 12 year old may have in middle school. Eventually I gave in, on both situations (being that I was inexperienced at the time).
The first relationship, the Iranian girl asked me out every single day on a date. No time in between. I tried to take it slow with her, but she didn’t get it. She wanted to rush into things and I clearly told her let’s take it slow and get to know each other, I am not your boyfriend yet. Eventually, 3 weeks go by and she begins playing hot and cold with me. After 2 more weeks of this, I give up, and delete her number. A month later, she finds out I’m dating a new girl, attempts to break us up by lying to her and telling her that I’m a cheater. Then I call her angrily and argue with her, telling her to leave us alone. She flips the entire thing on me and accuses me of “moving on too quickly”. I personally do not stick around after getting mixed messages. She then goes on a mission to assassinate my character and burn my reputation. She tells everyone she knows and I know that instead of the other way around, I came on too strong to her, and that she broke up with me, and that I’m crazy! What nerve! And still, she’s already graduated, but even two years later, I sometimes hear a new rumor she started.
The second Iranian girl I dated was even more bizarre. While the first one screams Fatal Attraction, this second one screams total psychopath. She was haughty and conceited. She was pretty, but dressed extremely conservatively. She tended to talk down on other people and have a very Princess like attitude. On the other side, she would act completely innocent and cute to get my attention. I was not interested in her simply because she and I were intrinsically different- I dress like an average college guy and have friends from many groups and have much more life experience (from living in a poor neighborhood and through divorces, working at a young age, etc), while she was absolutely sheltered and still acted like a 12 year old. I thought that this was her way of trying to get my attention, and eventually she was so persistent with pestering my friends and looking up my information that I took her out on one date to get her off of me. On the date, I was surprised, we clicked pretty well. It was after the third date that she became more and more arrogant and bitchy, acting as if she deserves the very best when I don’t even know who she is and she doesn’t know me. Our conversation topics did not ever exceed her complaints or her biology program. Meanwhile, should I ask her about herself or tell her about myself (on the later dates), she would actively and rudely pretend to not care. When she did talk about herself, it was dramatic. Then I asked her to the movies, and she rudely rejected the idea. In fact, she got up, rolled her eyes and left. So I stopped talking to her after that (what’s the use? put up with all that? i dont even know her well). A month later, she starts stalking my friends again, and eventually we go out again, but same thing happens. So I asked her why she’s so up and down, she spins a lie that she never liked me like that. I asked her why did she stalk my friends and urge them to set us up on dates? She said because Persians should be friends with each other. I told her X,Y,Z,A,B, and C friend told me you told them to tell me you wanted to date me. She tried to convince me then that my friends were all secretly planning to bring me down and that some people choose bad friends because that’s all they deserve (mean, I know right?) and then, when I called her on her bluff, she then tried to convince me that maybe I was going insane and hearing things. Done deal, this bitch was a certified psychopath. She still asks my friends about me.
So, please, Iranian-Americans. Fellow boys and girls who have been Americanized and hold true the values and morals that allow you to FUNCTION normally in the USA (which is a blessed country for allowing us to emigrate to it and live a good quality life), you are the REAL IRANIAN AMERICANS i refer to. The so-called Iranian Americans who grow up in restrictive Iranian-only families are NOT IRANIAN AMERICANS. They are confused, backward Iranians who still try to live in the past. PLEASE, for your own good, brothers and sisters, get to know the family values of the particular Iranian you are dating. See what his or her views on America are, and please, watch for inconsistencies in talk and behavior, especially when it comes to moral matters. And if you see something you don’t like, RUN. And find a nice Brazilian or Portuguese lover that will take care of you hehe
PS: It is not so much that they are evil, its just the Iranian culture’s moral system works for them in Iran. Not in the US. Here, their actions would confuse, hurt, and bewilder American partners. And for Iranian-Americans who consider themselves American, the conservative Iranian culture is beautiful in its artwork, stories, and foods. But the customs, morals and family values are absolutely inverted and almost impossible to understand without losing your own morals. Take care!
July 16th, 2010 at 7:45am
hi
July 21st, 2010 at 2:49am
Hi All,
i am so glad to have visited this page. I really need an advise these days. For a while, this has not been bothering me, until i believed i am falling to this iranian guy. I am 5 years older than he is, i am a young executive working in a corporate firm and I met this Dentistry Iranian guy in my country.
It’s been a year and a few months now since we started dating. For the first 6 months, he pursued me, dedicated and persevering. I was given an awesome treatment. He’d see me two times a day or as many as he can and doesn’t get tired of doing it. I would say though , that he first fell for me. He was so into me for the first few months, however, i am a girl who seeks after a serious relationship, being in a relationship for me doesn’t work overnight, or in a few months of dating. I take it slowly but surely. Over the months that passed, i noticed the big difference in our culture and the way we are being raised in different cultures..He tried to be intimate with me, or held my hand on the first month of dating, but i begged off. I mentioned that if ever we will be holding hands in the future, it will just come out naturally, and we need not force it.. This guy hasn’t stopped pursuing me, he is still around. My problem is, i have fallen for him now, but since the year started, he has not been the same guy that he was with me when he was soo into me.. He doesnt also ask me no more if i wanted to be his girl, and i was giving him the signals that i am ready now. Although he still calls me, but it is not as often as how he would last year. Also, he was very eager to invite me to his house, but not anymore. Also, every time i’d go see him as agreed, he would let me park my car a block away from his house. Last year, he doesn’t mind me parking right infront of his house building. When i asked him why he’s changed, he gets upset and tells me nothing has changed.. Do you think i should stop seeing him?? i don’t feel the special treatment that i used to get from him last year. Although, he is still the same nice guy to me, but do i feel something’s has changed. do i feel that way because now i am in love with him and i expect more??i want to be in a relationship legally, i don’t know what we have right now..Although he still calls me whenver he can when he is in school. Also, i noticed that he liked me more as soon as he learned that i am back to my master’s school.
Please advise what to do. Thank You
July 21st, 2010 at 1:46pm
I need help! I was dating with an iranian guy for almost 9 months we shared a lot of things, we had a great and wonderfull time. I know he loved me because he told me so and I still love him. After a fight we had he decide that we need to broke up, and that he needs time to think, to figure out what he wants. I’m latina. I even start learning farsi because of him and i’m good at it. What should i do because i feel so bad, so hurt and so sad. I truly love him. This “need time” means that is over? He texts me once every two days it’s been 10 after we broke up. Help please. I don’t know what to do.
July 22nd, 2010 at 6:20am
سلام بر تمام ایرانیان سرافراز در سراسر دنیا مخصوصا در ایالات متحده آمریکا
من محمد 31 ساله ، مهندس کامپیوتر هستم . من از خانواده ای اصیل ایرانی هستم . پدرم عمرشو داده به شما .
برادر اول و دوم من یکی در جنگ شهید و دومی کارمند در حال ماموریت هر دو شهید شدند . در حال حاضر 3 برادر متاهل و یک خواهر مجرد با مادر پیر در خانه زندگی می کنم .
آرزوی من از کوچکی این بود که یک روز در امریکا ازدواج کنم . تابحال حتی با فرصت های بسیاری که داشتم بخاطر اینکه به آرزوی خود برسم همه آنها را رد کردم . من اولا چون از کوچکی ورزش می کردم در حال حاضر استاد کاراته و ووشو و قهرمان اسبق چند دوره کشور و استان فارس .
بعد از فارغ التحصیل بلافاصله در مشاغل مختلف همزمان سخت کار کردم تا حالا توانستم سرمایه ای خوب داشته باشم که فعلا بخاطر بلاتکلیف ماندنم در بحث ازدواج کل سرمایه ام را در بانک قرار داده و سود به آن متعلق می گبرد .
اما حالا احساس می کنم با توجه به اینکه خدا را شاهد می کیرم که اهل هیچ برنامه ای که در ایران شاید اکثر جوانان به آن گرفتار هستند من حتی یک مورد نبودم و فقط به فقط سرم توی لاک خودم به امید آینده ….
اما الان با تحمل تمام آن همه سختی ها و محروم کردن خودم از خیلی چیزها احساس بی سروسامانی می کنم . من از شما خواهش می کنم تا هر کمکی که می توانید به من بکنید تا گره ی کار من بدست مبارک شما باز شود و من قول می دهم برای جبران تا حد توانم برای کمک شما انجام دهم .
اگر ازدواج دختر با اصالت ابرانی باشد عالی هست اگر نبود دختر خوب آمریکائی هم با شد مسئله ای ندارد فقط اهل زندگی باشد ( صادق ، متعهد و اهل سازش )
ضمنا دوست دارم سرمایه ام را در مورد خوبی در همان جا سرمایه گذاری کنم که اینم در قدم دوم انشاالله
متاسفانه همه ی این بدبختی ها به دلیل اوضاع بد مشکلات سیاسی ایران و تحریم هست که ضررش من تحصیل کرده هزار آرزو به دل مانده می کند .
امیدوارم که با توجه به درک موقعیت من به من توجه خاص و اورژانسی بکنید . من آماده ام در مراحل بعد هر اقدامی که گفتید انجام دهم . ضمنا بدلیل مشکلات سیاسی از گرفتن کارت اعتباری بین المللی محرومیم .
من در صورت موفقیت به کمک شما نقدا تقدیم شما می کنم .
با تشکر از هم وطن عزیز خودم
به امید آینده
محمد
August 3rd, 2010 at 9:01am
I have been involved with a Persian guy for about 8 months now. He was everything I wanted and more.. he protected me took amazing care of me.. convinced me to go back to school full time. He made me laugh till it hurt, I felt safe with him. It didnt matter what we were doing or where we were as long as we were together i was happy. He was born in Iran and moved to canada at a young age. He follows the Bahai religion.. I am undecided about my faith and my religion, however I was always open to the ideas about his religion and appreciated it and respected it. He asked me once if I would consider converting.. I told him I would like to learn about it more but that I was completely open to the idea.. even willing to go to his temple and sit in on discussions. This also made his family proud. Although he had many of his cultures values and beliefs instilled in him he did not really follow them like his family would have liked him to. He was a DJ at a club.. partying and drinking alot. I was the first girl he ever introduced to his parents. I have tattoos and piercings, he asked me to remove my piercings and cover my tattoos when I was with his family. I did just that. I also smoked when we met.. after a month of dating he talked me into quitting (which I had no problem with)… slowly but surely I noticed alot of things about my were changing.. He started asking me not to go out.. not to hang out with certain people. he said he liked the idea of me being home or at his house where he knew i was safe. If i wanted to go out.. i could only go to the club he was dj-ing at or he would ask his friend to come along with me to make sure i was safe. he started going through my phone.. he gained access to my email accounts and facebook account. i noticed my social life was slowly diminishing and i became exteremly dependent on him. I was only happy with him.. i knew this wasnt healthy but i thought i loved him. when i wouldnt let him know i was leaving the house or going to see a friend.. he would show up.. its like he had eyes on me everywhere i was constantly looking over my shoulder.. scared that he might see me and know that i was out. I was a very social person who loved to have fun.. but that all changed. he had control over every aspect of my life. I became afraid of him. when i didnt do what he asked.. he made sure i felt lower then dirt. he would call me names and accuse me of things untill i couldnt take it anymore and cut him off. a few days later it was all “i love you.. i just want whats best for you.. i can provide you with everything you need.. you dont need these other people.. they wont care for you like i will.. they wont love you like i will..” i dont know if he actually loves me.. or if he loves the idea of what he could turn me into… HELPPP! =(
August 11th, 2010 at 9:58pm
ALL american woman need to be warned about these Persian/Iranian men living
in our country & trying to bed as many american women as they can because
they believe “all american women are whores” it doesn;t matter if they are
married, dating or whatever they’ll try to tell you whatever you want to hear
to get what they want SEX. God forbid if you marry one. They are horrible
husbands, cheaters, cheap, treat women like slaves, control freaks, insecure.
etc etc. Run as fast as you can away from these nasty bastards. Let them stay
with their own kind Good luck finding a virgin to marry in america. They need
to go back to iran Who needs um. These middle eastern sand niggers are
ruining our country. Hope this bill in senate to deport them passes….
September 7th, 2010 at 9:25pm
[Edited by Admin for profanity. Replaced by ... or ***]
Wow….cheryl…wow
Alot of comments here are just plain racist. First of all no two men are alike. Secondly culture means nothing these days with the globalization. All cultures are mixing together through media and such.
Cheryl you are a racist p**. Its funny if a bunch of Iranian men do some s*** then the entire Iranian community gets the f***g blame. But if a white guy does the same, then ” ohh well it was just THIS white guy, lets try another white guy”. You see how you got a f***d up double standard??
Go do some research and you will see people with white backgrounds and white couples have the highest divorce rates. so how do you explain that? ohh wait, i know, you just slowly and quietly turn your head and walk away from it.
These comments here are all shit, shit i tell you. There is not a single comment thats worth the space it took on this site. Give me advice on Iranian men???? thats the dumbest question i have ever heard? Iran is a diverse country with many different culture and people who speak different languages. So its people are not one small group that you can take a fucking note on. No country in the world has a manual for its men and/or women. And if someone tells you otherwise then they are taking you for a fool.
So here is what you should do from now, if you get hurt by a white man then stop dating all white men, if you get hurt by a black man then stop dating all the black men, if you get hurt by asian man then stop dating all asian men and soon enough there will be no man for you to date!! what the point here is, is that a group or nation of people CAN NOT BE THE SAME. it is impossible that all Iranian men be the same and have the same attitude and if you think they do then….
Sure there are aholes in every country, society or group of people and we Iranians got more than our share, but that dont mean all Iranian men are gonna do the same. I mean what the f*** are you thinking people???
I have many white friends who sleep around and lie to women to get laid, no matter what. I have got black friends and Chinese friends who do the same s**t. There are lots of scums around men and women. I also got lots of Iranian, white, black, asian friends who are very decent people. Just because some one hurt you doesnt mean every man that is from the same country or with the same skin color is gonna do the same.
And one more thing ‘THERE IS NO F***G MANUAL FOR IRANIAN MEN, OR ANY OTHER MAN FOR THAT MATTER.’ If you get problems with a man then its better to ask that man your questions, dont come here and ask for opinions on some guy from some people who have never met that guy. How the f** can i tell you about someone i have never met????
Cheryl … you got hurt and on a plan to hurt every iranian man because some moron hurt you.
I am an iranian and i am no different then a white, black, or asian man. Some women i may date and not like, and some i may date and like.
Also when it comes to marrying a woman, i will pick the one that i love and i dont give … what color her skin is or where she is from. As long as it is not … like cheryl.
Anyone who tells you who to date and who not to date has personal agenda, and has some gain in it. If you got problems with a person then you better talk to that very person, the rest of the entire world cant help you because they dont know that person or what that person is thinking or what plans he or she has got in his mind for you.
Thanks for reading my comment.